Ozymandias

CW: Sexual abuse

The first game I remember was against Maryland. It was probably the one in '89. My dad and I were in the 85th row in the southeast corner of Michigan Stadium. My dad pointed at one of the dots on the field. "That's Bo!"

Ten years later, I was a freshman in the Michigan Marching Band. After two long weeks of drilling the basics of marching into our heads, we practiced our parade down to the stadium as the evening cooled us off. We filed down the tunnel and into our section. The directors praised us for our hard work, and then revealed a surprise: The Man Himself was here to speak to us. He spoke for maybe 10 minutes, dodging sprinklers on what was still natural turf. Bo was electric; I forget what he said, but not how he said it.

On the eve of The Game in 2006, he died, and I tried to hold it together in my cubicle. The next day, Michigan lost an intolerable third straight game against OSU.

Take down the statue. Rename the building. He knew. Either he didn't believe what he was told, or he didn't believe that it was abuse, or he didn't care. None of those are worth celebrating.

MGoMix 2018

I can't forget anymore. From about age 10 through my late twenties I could do that, and on Saturdays in the fall nothing would invade that space. The only thing that mattered was what happened between the end zones and the sidelines and it received my whole being. In hindsight, I realize the enormous kind of privilege that requires. I can't go back there, and while I can get nostalgic for it, I don't want to.

When I see people begging to keep politics out of sports, or any other space, I see a hunger for a place where it's acceptable to live with unearned, unchallenged, and unexamined privilege. I think it's the sort of desire that politicians and other authority figures exploit when they proffer endless bad-faith arguments and CYA statements. We want a world where we don't have to examine our failures and how we're complicit in the exploitation of others. It's easier to let someone with power say that everything we like is fine and we should all keep doing exactly what we want to do. Everything that's wrong is the fault of some outside person or group who must be punished.

The Big Ten East has been working overtime the last off-season to prove that institutions don't care about individuals as long as even larger institutions don't levy consequences.

Ohio State was never going to fire Urban Meyer. I entertained that possibility for about 5 minutes, and I hoped it would be true, but his enabling of Zach Smith's abuse and other bad behavior pales next to his 73-8 record. He will serve his 3-game suspension, learn absolutely nothing, and then win a bunch of football games while Very Serious People congratulate him for "rising above adversity." The lesson is clear: Lie, dissemble, and muddy the waters enough and you can survive, because one woman's abuse doesn't matter enough to threaten a winning team. Jimbo Fisher could've told you that. And because it wasn't abuse of a player or recruit, you'll still get the talent you need.

Michigan briefly looked like they were going to join the defaulters' list with a shoe scandal: A lot of player-exclusive Jordan brand gear was showing up for sale online, which is still a violation of NCAA rules. Fortunately for the team's season, the investigation ("investigation"?) didn't turn up any gear from current players. Which just points up how much money is washing through this program and that players see little to none of it. Modern amateurism is a fiction some Europeans came up with to make it easier for "gentlemen" (read: rich white guys) to get Olympic medals. It has no value in a revenue sport other than to keep players working at below-market wages.

And I don't think that means Michigan's clean. In an institution that large, something somewhere is festering, and I can only hope that it isn't too bad, and that we get lucky and have a few key people who do the right thing at the right time. It isn't Michigan's Simon-pure virtue that has let us escape this off-season without major scandal. Even having an administration that takes these matters seriously only gets you so far. When it bumps up against public scandal and threatens revenue, or touches a personal friend, even people who care will still bend on occasion.

Maryland literally worked a player to death. DJ Durkin and his staff made this kid so afraid of disappointing them that he ran until he dropped dead. This wasn't someone with an undiagnosed heart condition: Jordan McNair pushed himself beyond the breaking point because player safety came second to finishing a workout. Durkin may yet face consequences, mostly because he's unproven enough to be expendable, and if they can fire him for cause it would nullify his buyout. Jim Harbaugh's refusal to comment on DJ Durkin's coaching tactics is incredibly disappointing. I understand that coaching omerta is going to keep him from discussing what may or may not have happened at Maryland. What I want to know is what happened at Michigan. "DJ Durkin didn't do anything that made me worried about our players' health." "DJ was passionate about players getting the most out of their talent, and on a couple occasions I asked him to take it down a notch, but I was never worried about player safety." "We rely on our trained medical staff (who are the best in the world) to help us keep our players safe. DJ never questioned their judgment when they thought a player needed rest or water or anything." Those are all acceptable answers that don't mention Maryland at all. "No comment" isn't good enough.

Michigan State's actions to sweep under the rug anything remotely resembling accountability for the decades-long enabling of Larry Nasser is an affront to anything a public university should represent. From the beginning, they've been committed to token investigations designed solely to maintain plausible deniability and to look no further at the rot pervading the university's power structures. John Engler's instincts as a politician are at the forefront here: Instead of an issue of the alumni magazine that at least attempts some soul-searching, he had it replaced with the Everything's Fine Now (Nothing To See Here) issue. The playbook is Deny, Deny, Deny. The last two decades of Republic politics, from climate change to the Russia investigation, suggest that he will get away with it, and the bill will simply be passed on to Michigan taxpayers and MSU students. If enough people want to believe an idea, evidence to the contrary will be ignored. Mark Dantonio will still be their most celebrated coach since Biggie Munn no matter how many "unity councils" let racists back on the team or how many players are reinstated as soon as they walk out of jail, because winning cures everything. Michigan State only has to say enough of the right words in public and then rely on a critical mass of alumni and fans to keep their identities as Spartans ahead of the victims. The university's coffers won't suffer substantially in the long term and only a bare minimum number of egregiously bad actors will lose their titles, but they'll probably get to keep their pensions.

The best thing and the most damning thing about football is that it can make you forget all of this and live in that moments between the ball leaving the quarterback's hand and it landing; between the crease developing and what happens to the runner. Infinite possibilities live there and invite you to surrender your entire being to them, and from there to construct a larger narrative. It's exhilarating and exhausting, and football invites you to pour your whole being into it. But as a human whose conscience requires that I live in the world, I can't do that anymore. Being a functional adult who's worth a damn comes with that obligation.

I've been trying to end this post for four days now, and I can't get there. I don't know. Anyway, here's Wonderwall.

Fix the Schedule

When it comes to the Big Ten, the first job for the new athletic director should be going to the committee in charge of drawing up the football schedule and getting everyone to agree to an incredibly simple fix to a problem plaguing two of the East's biggest programs.

Currently, Michigan and Michigan State are both stuck with schedules that have them in alternate years playing two home games against their primary rivals followed by two road games. In 2014, Michigan has road games against both MSU and OSU, and MSU is at home against UM and OSU. Next year the situation is reversed, with Michigan playing MSU and OSU at home, while the Spartans have to go on the road against the Wolverines and Buckeyes.

This is vastly sub-optimal for both teams, from the standpoint of both ticket sales and overall competitive balance. Really, you want each team to play one home game and one road game against each rival. Craig and I were talking about this unfortunate situation yesterday at the Indiana game, and Craig told me he'd happened upon a ridiculously simple solution, and Indiana is the key.

Since Indiana is in the East, both Michigan and Michigan State play them every season. Fortutiously, Indiana played MSU at home and Michigan on the road this year. Therefore, all you have to do is flip the Indiana game from a home game to an away game and flip MSU from an away game to a home game. Everyone still ends up with the same number of home and away games, and the bottleneck is cleared.

Obviously, the time has passed when we can fix the 2014 schedule. And we might as well go through the 2015 schedule as is, since I don't think anyone wants to play at MSU for three consecutive seasons. Where we should fix it is 2016.

Current 2016 Schedule
UM at MSU, at OSU, vs IU
MSU vs UM, vs OSU, at IU
OSU at MSU, vs UM, vs IU
IU vs MSU, at UM, at OSU

Proposed 2016 Schedule
UM vs MSU, at OSU, at IU
MSU at UM, vs OSU, vs IU
OSU at MSU, vs UM, vs IU
IU at MSU, vs UM, at OSU

It would mean MSU has to play at Michigan for two consecutive seasons, but that's only fair since Michigan has just done the opposite. Michigan would also have to play two consecutive seasons at Indiana, which is a small price to pay for getting off the cycle we're currently on. Sure, it's messing with a schedule that's a mere two seasons down the road, but it solves one of the more annoying problems in the current scheduling landscape.

(Additional information by Craig: 1:00 PM Monday:

One of the issues I saw was that in the 2016 schedule, swapping Indiana to be an away game would give Michigan a weird stretch of four straight home dates, followed by three straight road dates to close the year, which is suboptimal.  So, I plugged the 2016 schedule into Excel, and in six minutes, I solved it by moving just four games total.

Illinois at Michigan, originally scheduled for 10/22/16, now moves to the team's mutual open date of 9/24/16
Michigan at Iowa, originally scheduled for 11/12/16, now moves to 10/22/16.
Iowa at Wisconsin, originally scheduled for 10/22/16, now moves to 11/12/16
Illinois at Wisconsin, originally schedule for 11/12/16, now moves to 10/22/16.

It's not perfect, because it gives Wisconsin three straight home games, followed by three straight road games, but it does give them a potential breather having opened the season at Michigan, at Michigan State, home to Ohio State, ------, home to Nebraska.  With a couple other moves, you might even be able to make that one work out better too...)

HSR Exclusive: Mailbag!

Due to the recent email messages that have come to light, Dave Brandon has taken a leave of absence from responding to his email from various alumni and season ticket holders. In his stead, a number of guest authors have taken his place.


Mr. Brandon,

In the long history of my Michigan fandom, I have never been as disappointed in my alma mater as I am right now.  Not for the on the field product, but rather for the continuing litany of gaffes, both small and significant, that the athletic department seems committed to making on an almost daily basis.  I will not be renewing my tickets next year after 35 seasons as a season ticket holder and donor.

Thank you,
David Sanderson

Mr. Sanderson,

Pray tell whatever gaffes do you speak of for this great Meeechingan of ours?  While mistakes have been made, they have been made doing the great things, trying the bold and the innovative, creating a tradition and a future of which all Meeechigan men can be proud.  We hope that our new commitment to the moral benefits young men receive from playing foot ball will bring you back to Ferry Field next fall.

Sincerely,
F. H. Yost,
Coach
Foot Ball Department
Michigan Athletic Association

[Dictated to an urchin while running down State Street upon disembarking from a train]

Mr. Brandon,

My family and I have been season ticket holders since the early 1970's, and it pains me to say that we won't be renewing them this year. The price of the tickets, plus the "voluntary" donation, is just too much for us to bear on our fixed income, as my wife and I recently retired. Michigan Stadium has been so important to us, but squeezing every last cent out of the fan base has left us cold. We feel left out of the Michigan family.

Sincerely,
James Fairfield


Mr. Fairfield,

DISRESPECT. You feel left out? How dare you. I bet you don't respect football enough to earn the right to buy these tickets. This is a game for men, and men do what it takes to get the job done.

Pride goeth before the fall,
Mark Dantonio



Dear David Brandon,

I've been going to football games at Michigan Stadium since I was a young boy, so I've been through the lean times and the good times. But I can't say I've ever seen such a sorry stretch of football.  The RichRod years were a disaster, and hiring Brady Hoke has just made things worse. Until things change, you won't be seeing me on Saturday and my donations will go somewhere they make a difference.

Raylon Bedwards


Dear Raylon,

I think you're aware of my policy. I'm going to need you to bring me something from the dictionary for us to continue this conversation.

Yours,
Lloyd Carr


Dear Coach Carr,

My word is "autoclave". An autoclave is a pressure chamber used to sterilize equipment and supplies with high pressure steam.

Raylon


Dear Raylon,

Thank you.  I appreciate your letter, and I've given it a lot of thought.  It sounds to me like you and Michigan football aren't on the same page. If you want a situation where you can be #1, maybe you should transfer your allegiances to someplace more suitable. Central or Eastern would definitely appreciate you, or any other non-Big Ten institution would be acceptable to us. I've attached the transfer paperwork to this email.

Yours,
Lloyd Carr

PS: If you change your mind and commit to sticking it out, I have a group of young men who run the stairs every morning. It's tremendous.



Mr. Brandon,

It has occurred to me the test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function. One should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless and yet be determined to make them otherwise.  So here's to hoping for bowl eligibility.

Sincerely,
Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald

Mr. Fitzgerald,

I suggest, once again, you quit drinking and go to bed.

Sincerely,
Fritz

H.O Crisler
Football Coach
Board in Control of Physical Education
Ferry Field, Ann Arbor
University of Michigan



Dear Mr. Brandon,

I'm sick and tired of the athletic department rolling out these idiotic schemes and then having to walk everything back when the students and the alumni get wind of them. The noodle, the Coke incident, and the student ticket policy were just foolish.  Getting stuck with playing MSU and OSU on the road every other year is actively detrimental to our success and the athletic department's bottom line. Please be less embarrassing.

Thanks,

James Lindgren


Dear Mr. Lind,

Well, the noodle...I haven't been fully informed about that.  The Coke thing was something from the marketing...their marketing department which we never approved. The student ticket policy, I've been told that they're OK, just an ankle thing, though we don't usually comment on injuries. I don't think we're playing them both on the road every year, just this time. We wouldn't do  that every other year. Anyway, it's all part of big boy football.  I love our kids, we're just going to go out there and compete.

Brady Hoke
It's Michigan fergodsakes!



Mr. Brandon,

I think the time has come that you have to let Brady Hoke go. The mismanagement of the Shane Morris injury is the last straw for me. I would say anything less than 8-4 and you have to fire him anyway, but leaving a kid in there after a shot like Morris took is just unacceptable.

Thanks,
Al Stapleton


Mr. Stapleton,

The first thing you have to understand is that Adreain Payne has a child's lungs. He can't go like some of the other guys, he just gets gassed. And Gary Harris is out there playing on a wooden pirate leg.  Drew Neitzel has alopecia, and that lack of self-confidence really impacts his game.  Goran Suton is from a different galaxy and he's just getting used to Earth's gravity, so you have to be patient with him. Draymond Green, he gives everything he's got on every play, but he's playing with seal flippers sewed to his arm stumps.  What I'm trying to say is we're pretty banged up, and the refs don't give us the calls because we're Michigan State.

Sincerely,
Tom Izzo

PS: Next year I'm dressing up as Jason Bateman in Teen Wolf Too! The kids are going to go nuts!



Mr. Brandon,

After all the price increases and embarrassing incidents, I don't think you have what it takes to be the athletic director at the University of Michigan. Do everyone a favor and quit now, so the university can save the outrageous three million bucks in your buyout.

James Anderson


Dear Mr. Anderson,

I regret to inform you that we cannot answer your recent email. Coach Hayes is already quite incensed that it made it past his spam filter and has destroyed several chairs and a down marker; I suspect your use of "bucks" is what allowed it to slip through. He has had me print it out and burn it, his computer, and our servers, after which the ashes will be couriered to the state line and dumped, as Coach Hayes is loathe to pollute our fair Ohio with such detritus from That School Up North. Please accept this letter as my personal apology.

Yours truly,
Rachel H. Phillips
Executive Secretary to Coach W.W. Hayes, The Ohio State University
GO BUCKS!



Dear Mr. Brandon,

For all of Michigan's marketing of "legacy" and "history", the future which you so claim to love looks bleak and foreboding.  What steps are you taking to bring Michigan back to the pride of the good old days?  I hope you have a plan and a vision, because right now, it's as dark as midnight round here.

Hopeful for the future,
Sherman Williams

Mr. Williams,

Sincerely,
Gordon Berenson


Coach Berenson,

I've renewed my football season tickets and applied for hockey season tickets. I cut the grass, did the laundry, cleaned the house, helped my kids with their homework, paid my bills, balanced my checkbook, did my taxes, and rescued a puppy. I hope this is satisfactory.


Sherman Williams

So Your Program is Doomed?

DOOOOOOOOOOOOMED.

So your [CHOOSE ONE: once-proud / erratically successful / perennial also-ran / perpetual tire fire / Eastern Michigan] football program is struggling this year?

• Yes.  Oh sweet jebus, yes.
• Nope. Not sure why I'm taking this fake survey.

What do you propose to do about it? (CHOOSE ONE)

• Do nothing. ROLL TIDE.
• Do nothing. Mediocrity is an impossible dream.
• Insist "They just need more time!"
• MAKE 'EM RUN STEPS
• Fire a coordinator
• Fire the coach
• Fire the AD
• FIRE EVERYONE
• BURN IT TO THE GROUND AND SALT THE EARTH.

Do you have any coaching candidates in mind? (CHOOSE ONE)

• HAIL SABAN.
• An absurdly over-qualified alumnus who won't bother answering your phone calls
• Pipe-dream hotshot coach who'd be insane to leave behind his current success / low expectations
• Genius coordinator who's never been a head coach
• Up-and-coming mid-major / FCS coach with no big-time experience
• NFL retread
• NFL coordinator with no college experience in the past decade
• NFL position coach
• NFL position coach who flamed out as a college head coach (and may have slapped himself)
• Your current OC/DC on an interim basis
• Some guy who had one good MAC season
• Charlie Weiss

On a scale of Rodriguez at Michigan to Saban at Alabama, how good of a cultural fit is your dream candidate? (CHOOSE ONE)

• Rich Rodriguez / Michigan (2008)
• Charlie Weiss / Kansas (2012)
• Randy Edsall / Maryland (2011)
• Al Golden / Miami (2011)
• Brian Kelly / Notre Dame (2010)
• Brady Hoke / Michigan (2011)
• Chip Kelly / Oregon (2009)
• Nick Saban / Alabama (2007)

What is making you so angry? (Check all that apply)

• Lost to a rival
• Lost to most-hated rival
• Lost to a perpetual tomato-can
• Can't recruit
• Team is hemorrhaging players
• Fans treated like walking checkbook
• Insolvent athletic department
• NCAA violations
• Players put in danger
• Felonies
• Covering up felonies
• Oversigning
• PEOPLE KEEP TALKIN' BOUT THIS OVERSIGNIN', PAAAAAAWWWLLLL, BUT THEY JUS' JEALOUS!

Would you still be this angry if your team was winning? (CHOOSE ONE)

• No, obviously not, because *something* would be going better.
• No, because winning is the only thing that matters
• No, because my team is perfectly OK except they're terrible.
• Yes, because I am lying.
• Yes, because I don't like football.
• Yes, because I am an incendiary rage-bot. SOMETHING is going to set me off.

What kind of doomed is your program?

• EMU: As DOOMED as DOOMED can be. 
• Toledo: Once in a while we can win the MAC and get our coach a better job.
• Purdue: The Cure as a football team.  
• Indiana: Our greatest teams have the ability to beat almost anyone on any down, so they most often beat themselves. Otherwise a conference doormat. 
• Illinois: Once in a generation Rose Bowl, but usually Zooked. 
• Iowa: Real success every four years; otherwise losing to Iowa State. 
• Pitt: Crushing mediocrity with no hope is the norm forever, despite national championships not that long ago.
• Clemson: Perennial success, but never on a national title scale. See: Wisconsin.
• Notre Dame: We're living in the past, so the present is disappointing even when we're good.
• Texas: We have every advantage possible and are somehow terrible and in the middle of a gut-wrenching transition. See: Florida, Michigan (Michigan bonus: In our darkest hour, we hope to be Notre Dame.)
• Ohio State: Not quite a national title contender this year, but always a threat to win our league. See: Oklahoma
• Michigan State: Suddenly we're the pre-eminent program in our state for the first time in 50 years. Not anyone's default pick for a national championship team, but we have legitimate hope. See: Texas A&M, Stanford.
• Oregon: We don't really have a history, but we don't care because GOT MONEY and are successful now. We watched the first half of a video on the Miami Hurricanes, so we know this never changes!
• Alabama: Whether or not you choose to recognize it, we won every national championship since 1892. ROLL TIDE.

Is There an Adult I Can Talk To?

This morning, David Brandon and the athletic department issued a well-written, cogent statement that addressed almost everything people reasonably expected to know in the aftermath of the Shane Morris incident while simultaneously taking an appropriate tone. We messed up, we can't let this happen again, and we're updating our procedures to address this issue.

However, the statement comes about 24 hours too late. If that statement is issued at 12:52 AM on Monday morning, there's grumbling and some side-eye. At 12:52 AM on Tuesday morning, everything has changed. Michigan has been put under the microscope on not just ESPN, but has crossed all the way over to Good Morning America. You've promised the media a "medical statement" that never really showed up, unless this is it. And you've sent your head football coach up to his press conference to stand there and look like someone's idiot cousin you wouldn't trust to run a doughnut shop, let alone a multi-million-dollar football program where young men risk their health and safety on a daily basis.

To be fair, this may be the case. Brandon's statement says that Morris was diagnosed with a concussion on Sunday. Brady Hoke didn't get in touch with his injured quarterback to ask how he's doing? Or Shane Morris didn't know he has a concussion? Neither of these seem reasonable, and one is more plausible than the other.

At the moment, I'm choosing not to believe that Hoke knew about the concussion and failed to disclose it. For some reason I'm more comfortable believing him to be incompetent than mendacious.

The whole situation has been bungled, from the initial incident through everything after. You have commentators worrying about Morris's safety BEFORE he takes a killshot to the head, then you send the kid back into the huddle for one more play, and even when he's removed no one hides his helmet and tells the coaches he's out. And after all this has happened, nobody thinks "This is going to be a major problem for us. We have to get to the bottom of this and fix what is wrong."

Even if it's somebody thinking only of the bad PR that's certain to come from it, Michigan had a small window to get in front of this. I don't expect more than window dressing from the athletic department, but when I don't even get that I just sputter with anger. How dumb do they think I am? How out of touch are they to not understand that this is a Big Deal? Concussions have been a major flashpoint for *years*. The NFL is on the hook for hundreds of millions of dollars, and the settlement is still derided as insufficient. Whatever intern they have on Twitter had to have noted the explosion of rage when Morris was left in, and that has to be kicked up the food chain to someone with real authority.

At that point, it's all hands on deck. Who saw the hit? Who saw the aftermath? Was this communicated to anyone? Why or why not? Why was Morris allowed to re-enter the game? Who made that decision? How do we make sure this never happens again? Has he been diagnosed with a concussion? Do we have his permission to release his condition?

It takes a while to get answers to all these questions, to process them, and to respond to the additional questions they raise. It doesn't take 55+ hours, and you don't let your statement drop in the middle of the night. Now we're convinced you're hiding something.

We expect smoke, mirrors, and obfuscation when you talk about who's practicing well, how the team is looking, how much respect you have for your next opponent, and even run-of-the-mill player injuries. Someone's got a boo-boo, another guy has a "lower body injury." This is different. This is about ethics, not a player's condition. Craig is right; it's more akin to the dissembling about Gibbons than questions about when Funchess will be back up to speed.

Fort Schembechler is Fort Schembechler, but whether the team is any good will always be settled on Saturday. This is about governance and that nebulous thing that Fielding Yost called the "Spirit of Michigan." One of the better things about the Spirit of Michigan is that it evolves over the years and we expect an ever higher standard of the people who represent us. Yost himself was an old unreconstructed racist* and an anti-Catholic, and we certainly expect better of our leaders today.

The University of Michigan has again been named the top public university in the US, as we were reminded by the video board on Saturday. We expect to be treated like adults, at the bare minimum. We raised ticket prices because we want more money to pay higher salaries and build more buildings. We expect Michigan to compete for Big Ten championships, and we aren't playing like that kind of team. Shane Morris got hit in the head and he should have been removed from the game immediately.

This is not hard. Hard is setting regular ticket prices at the maximum level where fans still feel like more than a revenue stream. Hard is setting a price on student tickets where you get a good amount of value back while giving students an incentive to use their tickets *and* make Michigan football a habit that lasts for life. Hard is sorting through all the available candidates to find a John Beilein and to get a succession plan together when Red Berenson finally decides to hang it up. And if you bungle the easy tasks, we don't trust you with the hard ones.

*At least until Willis Ward joined the team. Yost, of course, still sat Ward against Georgia Tech. Improvement is not always continuous.

One Way This Could Have Gone Better

In an alternate universe, Brady Hoke steps up to the podium and delivers the following opening statement:

Good afternoon, everyone.  After the game on Saturday, I watched the footage of Shane taking that shot to the head.  I'm embarrassed to say that I didn't catch that live, and I didn't see him stumble afterward.  That's on me.  We as coaches need to be aware of our players' safety at all times, and I failed there.

As a staff, we should have immediately gotten Shane out of that game, regardless of whether he wanted to come out.  Shane's a tough kid and a fighter, so of course he wants to stay in, but it's our job to sit him down there.

I've been talking with the staff, and I'll be talking about it with the players, but when you see a teammate that doesn't look right, we need to alert the coaching staff and the medical staff so we can get that player looked at.  I'd rather lose any game than leave a player on the field who might have a concussion.  This is a program where we value toughness, but playing with a head injury isn't toughness, it's just dangerous.  We can't let that happen again.

Again, if I'd seen Shane take that hit or stumble like that, he never would have gone back in the game.  When Devin lost his helmet, we could have called a timeout or sent Russ out there.  Russ is a good kid, and he could've taken that snap.

We're lucky that Shane's only got a high ankle sprain.  He's been fully evaluated by the medical staff and he got an MRI that seems to show everything's OK with his head.  Regardless, he should have been pulled from the game immediately, and I apologize to Shane, his family, and all of our fans for not doing that.  That's not what Michigan is about, and we have to do better.

It is, of course, not enough to save his job, but it does calm the waters enough to stave off an immediate canning. He's fired on December 3, with the Wolverines sitting at 6-6 and on their way to play in the Heart of Dallas Bowl, where Interim Coach Greg Mattison ekes out a win over Rice. 

With Dave Brandon desperate to save his job, the Wolverines offer buckets of money to Les Miles and anyone whose last name is Harbaugh. Due to poor proofreading, the Wolverines sign Joani Harbaugh to a 5-year, $5.5M per year deal with a buyout starting at $10M. Shockingly, the hire proves successful and Harbaugh begins a 14-year reign as coach of the Wolverines, winning four Big Ten championships and one national title. The story later inspires the heartwarming and hilarious feature film blockbuster Lady Coach, starring Viola Davis in the Joani role and featuring Tracey Morgan as Tom Crean, as well as the smaller, but fiercely loved Mrs. Coach, reuniting Connie Britton and Kyle Chandler.

Unfamiliar Territory: Part I of II

It started with a simple premise.  When Michigan and Virginia Tech were matched up in the Sugar Bowl this past season, many writers correctly noted that it was the first time that the two venerable college football programs had been matched up.  It also marked the second straight bowl game in which Michigan faced an opponent it had never faced, even though we don't discuss the 2011 Gator Bowl matchup with Mississippi State...ever.

So I wanted to know, what Division I-A teams has Michigan never faced in its long 132 year history.  I used the Stassen database lookup to find teams which Michigan had never faced.  I also used a 1936 cutoff point (the first year of the AP poll) to find teams Michigan has not faced during that time frame.  The complete list will follow, but let's look at the Big Five conference teams first, along with some commentary:

ACC:

Michigan vs. Clemson

Doesn't it just seem like Michigan and Clemson should have played at some point in history?  But, nope, it's never actually happened.  Death Valley seats 80,500, so it's not like a home and home would be out of the question.  Plus, Dabo, so, yaknow. 

Michigan vs. Georgia Tech (1934)

Also known as the Willis Ward game, I'm wondering if lingering resentments and issues stemming from that game have prevented a rematch from ever happening.

Big East:
Michigan vs. Cincinnati
Kind of surprising, because of the proximity, but then again, Ohio State has only played their southerly neighbors six times ever, so...

Michigan vs. Louisville

Interestingly enough, Michigan has only played one team from the state of Kentucky in history and none in the last century.

Michigan vs. Rutgers

As two of the "founding fathers" of college football, coupled with Rutgers proximity to the New York metro area, this one is shocking.  I kept presuming that Rutgers and Michigan will square  off at MetLife Stadium at some point in the future, but the Pac-12 scheduling alliance makes that less likely now.

Michigan vs. South Florida

USF played its first football game in 1997, so this is not too shocking.

Michigan vs. Temple

Temple would actually be a great team for a home and home, as the Owls play at Lincoln Financial Field.  Temple was a MAC school until last year, so this could also account for a lack of Temple in our lives.

Michigan vs. West Virginia (1904, non I-A)

Michigan played Fielding Yost's alma mater during the run of four straight national titles, winning over the Mountaineers by a 130-0 score.  While I think it would be great to play the Mountaineers, recent history suggests that this matchup is not in the offing any time during the Brandon tenure.

SEC:

Michigan vs. Kentucky (1908, non I-A)

Michigan won the only match-up in 1908 by a 62-0 score, but it should be noted, like the West Virginia game, Kentucky was not considered I-A level at the time of the game (which is kind of nebulous at best anyway.)  Most of Michigan's matchups with pre-2012 SEC schools have come during bowl games in the last 20 or so years: 

• Arkansas-1998 Citrus Bowl
• Alabama-three times, #4 coming up
• Auburn-twice, 1984 Sugar Bowl & 2000 Citrus Bowl
• Tennessee-2001 Citrus Bowl
• Ole Miss-1990 Gator Bowl
• Mississippi State-2010 Gator Bowl
• Florida-two times, 2002 Outback Bowl & 2007 Capital One (Citrus) Bowl
• Vanderbilt-no bowl game, but that 2006 game is the most recent of 11 games
• South Carolina-two regular season home games - 1980 & 1985
• Georgia-two regular season home games - 1957 & 1965 (meaning Michigan has never played "Between the Hedges" which is a major bummer.

Michigan vs. LSU

This is not only the #1 matchup I would love to see Michigan make in the next few years, I am sure the networks would love it, the story lines write themselves, the teams would hopefully be pretty good, and honestly, given the SEC/Big Ten bowl tie-ins, its a distinct possibility.  Let's just not do it in New Orleans.  

I will actually make the argument that this is one of the five best college football matchups that has never been played.  That will be Part II of the article (there's a matrix, it's awesome) when I get a chance to write it up.

Big XII:

Michigan vs. Iowa State

Makes sense on some level.  If you're playing Iowa, you don't need to play Iowa State.

Michigan vs. Kansas State

K-State was so bad for so long in the pre-Snyder era (and the post-Snyder, pre-Snyder era) that I can think that Michigan would not see any benefit in playing K-State.  Why schedule a terrible purple clad Wildcat squad when you already are playing Northwestern.  (Northwestern pre-1995)

Michigan vs. Texas Christian

TCU is only here because I had to remember that TCU is a Big XII team starting this season.  TCU would be a tough matchup because it's a high risk/low reward scheduling notion, just like Boise State.

Michigan vs. Texas Tech

If we're going to play the Red Raiders, play them now, in the post-Leach era, when it's a "Dumpster Fire". ("Tuberville Dumpster Fire" courtesy Fake Dan Beebe on Twitter)

Mountain West/Big East/Somewhere?

Michigan vs. Boise State

Boise State, of course, is a up and comer, but Michigan State is playing Boise State this year to open up the season.  Michigan and Boise State should figure something out.  Just not on the Smurf Turf.

MAC:

Michigan vs. Akron (on the schedule)

On the schedule for 2013, so that takes care of that.

Michigan vs. Buffalo (1901, non I-A)

Would have been a better possibility if Warde Manuel (Michigan alum) had stayed at Buffalo as the AD, but yeah, not seeing it.

Michigan vs. Kent State

Just kind of seems like a fluke.  Then again, Michigan's only ever played Toledo once and Bowling Green twice, all within the last 12 years.  If Michigan is going to play a MAC school, it tends to play the Michigan MAC schools (Eastern 10 times, Central 3 times, Western 6 times) instead of the Ohio MAC schools (Toledo 1 time, Bowling Green 2 times, Miami 5 times [amazingly, never once while Bo was coach], Akron 0 times, Kent State 0 times.)

Michigan vs. Ohio

Seriously, this needs to happen, if only to revel in our mutual animosity toward Ohio State.  Then again, Ohio State has only played Ohio University thrice ever, so it's not like they're playing frequently either.

If I were ranking the matchups I would most like to see Michigan play among teams it has never, ever, played , it would probably be:

1. LSU
2. Clemson
3. Rutgers
4. Ohio
5. Cincinnati

Stay tuned for our national rankings, some time soon.

Everybody else:

Michigan vs. UAB

Michigan vs. Arkansas State

Michigan vs. Central Florida

Michigan vs. East Carolina

Michigan vs. Fresno State

Michigan vs. Idaho

Michigan vs. Louisiana Tech

Michigan vs. Louisiana-Lafayette

Michigan vs. Louisiana-Monroe

Michigan vs. Marshall

Michigan vs. Middle Tennessee State

Michigan vs. Nevada

Michigan vs. UNLV

Michigan vs. New Mexico

Michigan vs. New Mexico State

Michigan vs. North Texas

Michigan vs. San Jose State

Michigan vs. South Alabama

Michigan vs. Southern Mississippi

Michigan vs. Texas-El Paso

Michigan vs. Texas-San Antonio

Michigan vs. Texas State

Michigan vs. Troy

Michigan vs. Tulsa

Michigan vs. Utah State

Michigan vs. Western Kentucky

Michigan vs. Wyoming 

Unreality

I'm sorry, but this is almost certainly going to be a total mess. In all cases, assume "alleged" is inserted in front of anything that hasn't been proven in a court of law.

I've come to the conclusion that the worst part of college football is when it bumps up against reality. The world is often a brutal and horrible place. Football is supposed to be an escape for all of us, something that we can care about that doesn't really matter. And when that wall comes down, it's almost always uglier than the facade. It seems like it's usually an extra benefits case, which is disappointing enough, but this? The sexual abuse of minors? It's simply appalling.

I loathe what is alleged to have happened at Penn State. It's nightmarish in its scope, and at least half a dozen people could have stopped it, including the revered leader/spiritual godfather of one of the premiere programs in college football. How does this not make it to the real cops? How can anyone sit with this for nine years? Sexual predators exist, and that's sickening enough, but how can anyone let this guy operate after what Mike McQueary witnessed?

I guess the (admittedly trite) answer is that people are often terrible, and even good people make horrible choices. It sounds stupid and obvious, but it's a hard thing to accept. Anyone who knows someone who works as a homicide cop or a medical examiner knows for sure that this is true. They've probably seen a baby who was shaken to death by his parents, overdoses, drunks, crack murders*, a teen who didn't know the gun was loaded, and a woman who killed herself by driving off a freeway overpass with her dog in the car. All too often people are horrible or weak, and people in sports aren't exempt from that, no matter how respected they are.

Penn State should clean house, from the president on down. Anyone who knew about this and didn't go to the police should be gone. Maybe it'll crater the program, but so what? It couldn't protect ten-year-olds from a DC who'd been retired for four years, possibly as a result of NEARLY IDENTICAL allegations. Who cares whether it can protect its red zone from Nebraska?

*Pro tip: If you're dealing crack, don't let your penniless addict client live with you. And if you do, definitely don't leave a hatchet lying around.

Craig's MGoMix 2011

[Author's note: Today, I'll be breaking down the songs that I put on this year’s MGoMix, the "mix tape" that I make for driving to Michigan football games. As I noted last year, it should be noted that this is not a hype mix, these are songs which reflect where I am right now as a Michigan football fan. As is the rule, until Michigan wins a Big Ten title, no repeat non-Michigan songs from the previous year’s MGoMix. Also, this entire endeavor owes a debt of gratitude to Geoff for giving me the idea to do it in the first place.]

Also new this year...a Spotify link!

1). "Flash's Theme" by Queen (from the soundtrack to the 1980 film Flash Gordon)

This is a slight hold over from last year, but I thought that Denard Robinson had earned the right to the ultraheroic and over the top theme from Flash Gordon (remember, in the film, Flash is a New York Jets quarterback with awesome hair.)  Consider if you will the adjectives used to describe Flash:

"He's a miracle"
"King of the impossible."
"He'll save everyone of us."
"Just a man, with a man's courage, you know he's nothing but a man and he can never fail."

Yeah, no pressure Shoelace.

(Also, in the song itself, there are snippets from the movie which calmly say "There is seemingly no explanation for these extraordinary intergalactic upsets" and "This morning's unprecedented solar eclipse is no cause for alarm." which kind of sums up the last four years.)

2). "Jumpin' Jack Flash" by The Rolling Stones (from the 1968 single "Jumpin' Jack Flash")

It's for this lyrical section:

I was drowned, I was washed up and left for dead.
I fell down to my feet and I saw they bled.
I frowned at the crumbs of a crust of bread.
Yeah, yeah, yeah
I was crowned with a spike right thru my head.
But it's all right now, in fact, it's a gas!
But it's all right, I'm Jumpin' Jack Flash,
It's a Gas!  Gas!  Gas!

Sound familiar?

3). "Out of Control" by U2 (from the band's 1980 debut album Boy)

Kind of an easy pick, since ESPN made great use of it in their promo about strikers and the Power of 10 for the 2010 World Cup*, but is there any better summation of something the Michigan fanbase can agree on coming in to the 2011 season than this lyrical refrain:

"I had a feeling it was out of control
I had the opinion it was out of control

I had a feeling it was out of control
I had the opinion it was out of control."

*-No pressure Jeremy Gallon, no pressure.

4). "Gray Cell Green" by Ned's Atomic Dustbin (from the band's 1991 album God Fodder)

Or welcome back power running game...and play action passing.

You're telling me it's in the trees, in the trees
It's not it's inside me now

You're telling me it's on the ground, it's all around It's not it's inside me
You're telling me it's in disguise well use your eyes It's not it's inside me

You're telling me it's mother earth some sign of birth
It's not it's inside me

Plus, I think this will appease the football gods by having Green and Gray mentioned.

5). "Having an Average Weekend" by Shadowy Men on a Shadowy Planet (from the band's 1990 album Savvy Showstoppers)

You probably know this track better as the theme to The Kids in the Hall, and the nice duality exists here.  One the one hand, "Having an Average Weekend" is kind of the theme from last season.  Some good, some bad, but mostly average.  On the other hand, I get to make Kids in the Hall references, which include mentioning the Daves I know, I know, Terriers, Business Meeting, Career Ending Moments in Show Business, The Pit of Ultimate Darkness, and Daddy Drank.  Really, I could do this all day.  All you have to be is quiet and willing to do it.*  But we have a mix tape to get back to...

(*--And, I've got quiet shoes...)

6). "Dog Days Are Over" by Florence + the Machine (from the band's 2009 album Lungs)

And now, ladies and gentlemen, we start looking forward.  Perhaps a little too hopeful, but the mood of "the Summer of Hoke" certainly had this vibe:

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
Can you hear the horses?
Because here they come

Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father
Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers
Leave all your loving, your loving behind
You can't carry it with you if you want to survive.

Run fast Denard, run fast.

7). "Superunknown" by Soundgarden (from the band's 1994 album of the same name.)

Let's face it, for all of our hope, for all of our belief, for all of our "The worst is over" moments, the reality is that, well, I'll let Mr. Cornell handle it:

Alive in the superunknown
First it steals your mind
And then it steals your soul

We don't know, and that's why they play the games.

8). "The Fixer" by Pearl Jam (from the band's 2009 album Backspacer.)

In the categories of "Things we remember being pretty awesome in the 1990s", Greg Mattison, this one is for you:

When something's broke I wanna put a bit of fixin on it
When something's bored I wanna put a little excited on it
If something's low I wanna put a little high on it
When something's lost I wanna fight to get it back again
Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah
Fight to get it back again
Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Fight to get it back again.

9). "Everlong" by Foo Fighters (from the band's 1997 album The Color and the Shape)

The last three years are like a weird fever dream in some ways.  I don't know if they qualify as a mistake, but they definitely are a learning experience.

And I wonder
When I sing along with you
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again
The only thing I'll ever ask of you
Got to promise not to stop when I say when

Worth noting, it is David Letterman's favorite song.  You know where David Letterman went to college?  Ball State.  You know who else went to Ball State?  Brady Hoke.

10). "Rifles"by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club (from the band's 2001 album B.R.M.C.)

There is no really good reason for this to be on here other than I like the sort of chill dark intensity it brings to the table.

11). "I'm Not Over" by Carolina Liar (from the band's 2008 album Coming to Terms)

I'm not saying this is how I feel about November 2010-early January 2011, but...

What a waste of time
The thought crossed my mind
But I never missed a beat
Can't explain the who or what I was
Trying to believe
What would you do
What would you do
Do you know
I once had a grip on everything
It feels better to let go

I'm not over
I'm not over you just yet
Cannot hide it
You're not that easy to forget
I'm not over

12). "Three Strange Days" by School of Fish (from the band's 1991 self-titled album)

Days...years...  And yes, in my world, "Johnny Clueless" is in fact a fantastic nickname for a former defensive coordinator.  The drinking by yourself is personal perference.

"But I've got to make it through, no matter what it takes.  I've got to make it through...three strange days."

13). "Saving Grace" by Buffalo Tom (from the band's 1992 album Let Me Come Over.)

In addition to loving the word of Buffalo Tom, well...

It's been so long since I've been home
Since I've had fun
I'm coming home
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon

Let's hope it's sooner rather than later.

14). "Back in the High Life Again" by Warren Zevon (a cover from his 2000 album Life'll Kill Ya)

Firstly, Warren Zevon is awesome.  Secondly, come on, it's right here:

I'll be back in the high life again
All the doors I closed one time will open up again
I'll be back in the high life again
All the eyes that watched me once will smile and take me in

Call it an ode to bandwagoning.

15). "Untitled" by Interpol (from the band's 2002 album Turn on the Bright Lights)

There are only five lines in this song, but I think it kind of hits the nail on the head:

Surprise, sometimes, will come around
Surprise, sometimes, will come around
I will surprise you sometime, I'll come around
Oh, I will surprise you sometime, I'll come around
when you're down.

I can handle surprise.

16). "Three is a Magic Number" by Blind Melon (from the 1996 tribute album Schoolhouse Rock Rocks!)

Yes, this is here for two reasons:
1). I miss the kicking game.  "And it's a magic number!"
2). "Man and a woman had a little baby, there were three in the family...and that's a magic number."  Welcoming my son to his first Michigan football season.

17). "Rise" by Eddie Vedder (from the soundtrack album for the 2007 film Into the Wild.)

Such is the way of the world
You can never know
Just where to put all your faith
And how will it grow

Gonna rise up
Burning back holes in dark memories
Gonna rise up
Turning mistakes into gold

Such is the passage of time
Too fast to fold
And suddenly swallowed by signs
Low and behold

Gonna rise up
Find my direction magnetically
Gonna rise up
Throw down my ace in the hole

Any form of fandom is about faith, about belief in things that cannot be seen.  It's not religious, though it has overtones which give rise to paralells, but it is built on the fact that we are left to believe in something we cannot prove until the game is over.  We're going to find our direction magnetically, and hopefully not have the tragic ending of Into the Wild.

18). "Clubbed to Death" by Rob Dougan (from his 1998 album Furious Angels)

This is here to remind me that Denard may have actually originally come from the Matrix.

19). "The Wanting Comes in Waves" by The Decemberists (from the band's 2009 album Hazards of Love)

It's morning again in Ann Arbor...with a full pirate hat tip to our aspirational peers at The House that Rock Built



The mix then finishes with the Michigan songs run:

20). "M Fanfare" by the Michigan Marching Band (2009 edition)

21). "The Victors" by the Michigan Marching Band (2009 edition)
(the standard full version of the Victors.)

22). "Temptation" by the Michigan Marching Band (2009 edition)
(I still have no idea how a standard, made popular by Perry Como, became one of the most beloved songs in the MMB arsenal, but there it is.  Also, Muppets!)

23). "Hawaiian War Chant" by the Michigan Marching Band (2009 edition)
(because you can't have one without the other.)

24). "The Yellow and Blue" by the Michigan Marching Band (2009 edition)
Closing with the alma mater.  Hoorah for the yellow and blue.  Hail! [small fist raise])

So that's it, that's the list, 79 1/2 minutes of mix.  Still probably a bit too depressed for it's own good, but who knows?  Comments, concerns, questions, you know where to find me.  Go Blue!

Boom Times

We at the Hoover Street Rag have seen it reported in numerous locations that Florida State has been seeing a dramatic drop-off in attendance in the past two seasons, leaving tens of thousands of empty seats at Doak Campbell Stadium. At the same time, I can't help but notice that the same can not be said of Michigan, even though the 'Noles have made bowl games (and won them!) both years, finishing 9-4 and 7-6. This is Doc Sat's chart of FSU attendance:

Yikes. That's a steep cliff. Now, to be fair, the 2008 season saw Doak Campbell 94.7% full, which isn't too bad, and it was 2009 when it dropped down to 90.3% full, a year the Seminoles barely cracked .500. But let's look at Michigan attendance in terms of % capacity since the Moeller era.

Now there's a graph you can set your watch to. If you want to see anything exciting, you have to back up to the start of the Schembechler era.

There's a dip in there at the end, mostly taken up by the 2008 and 2009 seasons. You may recall that Michigan struggled somewhat in the first couple of years of the Rodriguez regime, and that accounts for some of the drop-off I'm sure, but this was also when the University added additional handicap seating as they started construction on the luxury boxes. The official capacity was not recomputed, so the number of seats lost is not certain, but total attendance fell by 1,860, or 1.69%, and actually rose by 387 (0.35%) following Michigan's worst season in 46 years. In 2010, with the renovations complete, attendance through three games is off by 0.27% in terms of capactiy, but up by 2,137 per game in raw numbers thanks to a 2,400-seat increase in capacity. This is what the raw attendance figures look like:

Honestly, they're only likely to get better this year, and it's not just due to the sheer wizardry of Denard Robinson. The official re-dedication of the stadium was exciting, but following that the other two games were against an FCS squad and a MAC school. Whatever the actual merits of the teams, historically they don't draw big crowds. Over the past couple seasons, an extra 2,136 fans have come out for Big Ten/Notre Dame games than games against other opponents. I fully expect next year's Ohio State game to crack 114,000, assuming the feat isn't accomplished against MSU next Saturday (and also assuming they don't re-number the benches before then). The 104.29% capacity from the 2003 edition of the Game translates to a crowd of 114,621 in the bigger Big House, and if both teams are as good as they could be next year, 115,000 isn't ridiculous.

You Got 20 Minutes

Dave Brandon applies techniques he learned in the pizza business to making sure that Michigan athletics remain compliant: (Massive hat tip to HSR Northwest Bureau Chief Dave for this one.)

2009

It was spitting down rain all morning, and it only picked up for gametime. I took one last lap around the stadium I'd always known.

If there was any justice in the world, they'd have won last year, so I didn't have high expectations. Not with Mike Hart hobbled and Chad Henne barely able to lift his arm and guys not named David Harris at linebacker. And so we yelled and screamed and Beanie Wells had 172 carries and Mario Manningham dropped 18 passes or something and Ohio State won an excruciating 14-3 game.

Sports don't really respect the storylines we want them to follow. It doesn't seem right that Hart and Henne and Long will never beat the Buckeyes, that Bo's death came on the eve of a Buckeye victory to keep Michigan out of a national title game. The 2008 Capital One Bowl is such an anomaly because it's the exit Lloyd Carr seemingly deserved, and a David-over-Goliath moment to boot.

And so 2008 came and we all had to come to the shocking realization that Michigan wasn't just mediocre, but a horrible football team. Either the talent wasn't there or it was unsuited for the new system, and Michigan wasn't coming within a country mile of a winning record. I stopped watching The Game 2008 early in the second half, because I'd sat through the whole Northwestern game and had nothing to prove, and I knew how this one was going to end.

What do you do after a year like 2008? You go back to work. You get up earlier. You stay later. You brag about it on media day to some hack with a press pass who twists your words.

But more than anything else, you get out there and work as a team.

And there are days when you see it all coming together, the inevitability of it all.

At the beginning of the season, Rich Rodriguez faced The Most Important Game Against A MAC Opponent Ever. The Freep's accusations hit the front page a week before the season started, putting it in front of maximum eyeballs. As if 3-9 wasn't enough to weigh on him. And it all vanished in a puff of smoke in the face of 31-7.

But that seems like so long ago now. It's been like this for the past six weeks: Brandon Graham is on the verge of winning the game singlehandedly, but it's just outside of his grasp.

We're nearing the end of the 130th season of Michigan football, and this finale has everyone focused. It's one last game, playing for the extra bowl practices, playing for a bus ride to downtown Detroit, and playing for a hard-fought victory over a bitter rival.

It's one more chance to come together, playing for the seniors, playing for an embattled coach, playing for pride, and playing for Michigan.

Those seniors take one last walk to the stadium on Saturday, one last chance to put it all on the field for Michigan.

And it's a chance for the future of the program to assert itself, to show what lies ahead if we allow it to grow.

That's what we all want to see. But sports don't care about storylines. Sports care about talent and scheme and execution and luck. They care about heart and grit and emotion only so far as they translate into execution, and how they can lift raw talent and focus it. If Michigan can put together a victory on Saturday, it won't be arbitrary comeuppance for OSU or some mystical force to quiet Rodriguez's detractors or any sort of karmic justice. It'll be because Michigan played better football or caught a break or two. Or twelve. We'll take every one of them. Ohio State is a vastly superior football team and should walk away with another win, unless something goes beautifully wrong. I'm hoping it does. Go Blue.

I Find You Unpleasant

I thought that when the season came back, I'd be posting a lot more. Instead, I've been working non-stop and having a life. When I see something I want to say, it's usually been said more eloquently by somebody else. And what is there to say about this season? Hot start, then ice cold. They didn't play all that well at MSU, but had a chance to win anyway. They played much better at Iowa and were doomed by turnovers. They housed Babby Seal U, were dealing with Illinois, and then folded after the goal-line stand.

Which brings us to Purdue. What a miserable experience. Not just because of what happened on the field, but also the people around me. This Stevie Brown hater decided to come out of the woodwork to derisively yell "NICE COVERAGE, STEVIE!!!" any time Purdue made a completion that was anywhere near him. It didn't matter that Stevie was playing pretty decent coverage (+9-4 = +5 on the day)¹ and tackling immediately, it was All His Fault. My dad was flipping out about how Purdue was going up and down the field on us, but freely admitting that he has trouble distinguishing between poor coverage, a scheme that puts players in a bad spot, and a good play by the offense. And then there was the "THEY'VE GOT NO HEART!!!!!!" guy that Brian referenced in his Monday column. That guy was immediately in front of my dad; a paunchy, goateed 35-year-old in an Adidas #1 home jersey tucked into his jeans. Every problem was due to the fact that the players had either a.) No heart or b.) No intensity. Never mind the fact that Mike Williams opens up a sweep from Bolden because he's trying to do too much, overrunning the play. He can't conceive that the team would be losing due to talent deficiencies or execution errors. If they were just grittier, that would totally do it.

By the way, he thinks Brian Kelly should be our next coach.

Why do I hate this guy so much? Is it the hair trigger he has on FIRE COACH X RIGHT NOW? Is it that he has no idea how football is played or coached or the difference between talent and walk-ons? It's part of it. But what gets to me is this guy's belief that they are doing it on purpose. That they're dogging it out there and he is personally agrieved and offended and all of this is UNACCEPTABLE and THEY SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF THEMSELVES FOR NOT BEING IN THE ROSE BOWL RIGHT NOW. LOOK WHAT COACH IRVIN MEYERS DID AT FLORIDA. WHY DIDN'T BILL MARTIN GO GET BOB STOOPS? HOW DID HE NOT THINK OF RE-ANIMATING THE CORPSE OF FIELDING YOST? WHAT GOOD IS A BIOMEDICAL ENGINEERING PROGRAM IF IT CAN'T BRING BACK LEGENDARY COACHES FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE? UNACCEPTABLE.

The reasonable response to the Purdue game is to say, "This sucks. I hate watching the team I love play bad football, and Brandon Graham and the other seniors deserve better than this. I'm going to go [to place] to avoid all sports / watch better football / get hammered. I hope Rodriguez can turn this around / I don't think it's going to work out / I thought things were going to be like this when they hired that guy, but I wish I'd been wrong." Obviously, reason plays at best a minor role in football fandom, but guys like THEY'VE GOT NO HEART Man make life actively worse.

I'll be watching the Wisconsin game today, and I'll be back for OSU (ugh) next weekend, but guys like that make me want to stay away.

¹ Plays Brown was +/-'ed on from the Purdue UFR:

O44 2 14 Shotgun trips Nickel even Pass Dig Brown 13

Brown(+1, cover +1) right there on the play and has a swat at the ball but misses it. He's still there to make a tackle, though the receiver drags him for a few yards. Excellent coverage; Michigan made it tough this time. Graham did tear through late, but this is a pressure -1... Elliot could stand and fire.

M33 2 6 Shotgun empty 2TE 4-3 under Pass TE Out Brown 3 (Pen -5)

Caught; Brown(+1, cover +1), in a cover-2 zone, lights up the TE as soon as he catches it. Illegal motion brings it back.

O45 3 4 Shotgun 4-wide 4-3 under Pass Corner Brown 6

Line shifted as per usual but the LBs are off the line and tucked in; weird. Michigan blitzes; Graham tears around the corner and beats one blocker, forcing another to come out on him. Purdue is clearly trying to pick Warren and get the slant as a result; Warren(+1) does a fantastic job of coming under the pick and having this blanketed. Holding? Maybe, but not called. Brown(-1), however, reacts to that route when he's in man on the slot guy and leaves his little corner route open, so Elliot has another option other than “die because of Graham.” Tough leaping catch from the WR.

O24 1 10 Shotgun trips bunch Nickel under Pass Swing Brown 3

Trips bunch set takes Brown out to them and he plays head-up on the guy on the LOS. Michigan drops into a zone; Purdue receivers attempt to run it off and hit the swing pass underneath; Brown(+1, tackling +1) makes a good open-field tackle to turn this into a meh play.

O41 2 10 Shotgun trips Tampa Nickel Pass Hitch Brown 5

Brown(cover +1, +1) is again right in the receiver's grill as he makes the catch and has a swipe at the ball for a PBU, but can't make it. He does tackle(+1) with help.

M19 1 10 Shotgun 3-wide Nickel even Run Power off tackle Brown 19

Ugh. Center actually pulls here as two guys double Roh and Purdue goes for the outside. Roh(-1) gets sealed really quickly and is both out of the play and not occupying a double. Brown(-1) comes down too far inside and gives up the corner; Leach(-1) is sliced to the ground by the TE coming off Roh, Williams(-1) overruns the play as it nears the sticks and turns it into a touchdown.

O38 1 10 Shotgun 3-wide 4-3 under Run Zone read stretch Brown 16

Purdue motions in a slot WR to act as a second TE and Michigan does not react (RPS -1); Brown(-1) fails to get outside the slot guy and gives up the corner; Roh(-1) ends up spinning inside of the OT despite this run obviously going outside; Leach(-1) is indecisive and ends up getting blocked into oblivion. Bolden gets the corner and a bunch of yards.

M32 1 10 Shotgun 4-wide 4-3 under Pass Quick out Brown 8

Brown(-1) has the flat here and instead attempts to cover a TE that is running into Leach's zone; Warren has a deep half and is not responsible. (Cover -1)

O48 2 4 I-Form Twins 4-3 under Run Pitch sweep Graham -3

Graham(+1) slants inside, meeting the playside G a couple yards in the backfield as he pulls; he drives the G back, forcing Bolden outside. Graham gets stiffarmed but his interior play has allowed Brown(+1) to finish the TFL after he got outside his blocker effectively.

O32 2 9 Shotgun empty Tampa Nickel Pass Scramble Brown 4

Fake bubble to the slant Michigan likes to run except Brown(+1, cover +1) is not biting and Elliott has to look elsewhere, at which point Graham(+1) tears through on a three man rush and flushes him out of the pocket. Coverage remains good downfield so Elliot has to scramble; lot of short routes mean no one can peel off until he crosses the LOS. (Cover +1)

O6 1 22 I-Form Twins 4-3 under Pass Rollout comeback Woolfolk Inc

Elliott wants to go to the TE but Brown(+1, cover +1) has him covered and Elliott keeps rolling and rolling. He's late; as he reaches the sideline he chucks it to the other receiver, who Woolfolk(+1) has under control and makes a pass breakup on. (Pressure -1, cover +1)

No One Denies This

If they had (a few more) guys playing like he plays with the effort he plays, they’d be a good football team

– Some NFL Scout re: Brandon Graham

Following up on his controversial "having good football players makes your team good theory," the scout went on to claim that his truck would be lighter if it weighed less, that Jordan Kovacs could cut down his 40 time if he were faster, and that he'd be wealthier if he had more money. (H/T: MGoBlog)

Out of Time

"We didn't deserve to beat Michigan State. But this one, we played tough, we played hard, we played 60 minutes. We just lost." – David Moosman

I am convinced, if Michigan recovers the onside kick, they win that football game. If there's anything out there that puts two more minutes on the clock for Denard Robinson, Michigan wins. The offensive line was capably handling the Iowa DL, as they (mostly) had been all game. And the defense was doing a solid job of it's own. I mean, look at how Iowa scored.

How did Iowa score?

1. Kick return starts Iowa's second drive on their own 43. Huge coverage bust where Mike Williams bites on Moeaki's fake that he's staying in to block and blitzes Stanzi.

2. Tate Forcier INT. Iowa begins the drive on the Michigan 19. The defense holds them to 8 yards and a FG.

3. Tate Forcier fumble gives Iowa the ball at their own 46. Stanzi completed one big pass for 22 yards to McNutt and then got nothing. Iowa kicked a 41-yard FG.

4. Zoltan punt. Iowa starts on their own 21. Stanzi converts one 3rd and 6 with a perfectly-thrown 33-yard pass, then an absurd 3rd and 24 to Johnson-Koulianos, who's just barely got a step on Donovan Warren. Herbstreit blames this in part on Williams being slow to get back in coverage. Iowa covers the remaining 9 yards for the TD.

5. Zoltan punt. Iowa starts on their own 24, and begins gashing the Michigan rush defense. The defense then stops the run and forces two incompletions, holding Iowa to another FG.

6. Zoltan punt from the Michigan 1 is caught at the Iowa 38, but the coverage team allows a 20-yard return. Moeaki immediately gets loose on a similar bust (don't know who was victimized there) for a TD.

So what does that look like? Three of Iowa's scoring drives start due to Michigan turnovers. One is Zoltan punting from the 1, giving Iowa a short field. On drives that started behind their own 40, Iowa got 10 points, and they had to make a ridiculous 3rd and 24 to get 7 of them. 14 points came on epic coverage busts. OK, OK, Iowa did drive down to the 1 after starting on their own 33 once, but that relied on the Mathews fumble for 33 of those yards. Iowa had 15 drives. They started (on average) from their own 38 and went 25.5 yards per drive. The defense held them to 367 yards and 30 points and scored 7 points of their own. They crushed the Iowa rushing game (2.7 YPC), got burned on 4 big pass plays, and showed signs of actual competence.

So, uh, how did Michigan score?

I'm glad you asked, alternate me.

1. Donovan Warren 40-yard pick 6.

2. Iowa FG is answered with a 12-play, 72-yard TD drive.

3. Hemingway returns an Iowa punt 7 yards to the Michigan 43. Michigan embarks on a 10-play, 57-yard TD drive featuring 7 Brandon Minor rushes, including the TD, and only one (4-yard) pass.

4. Michigan gets an extra 15 on an Iowa personal foul, starting the drive at their own 40. Denard Robinson throws a couple of completions, but mostly keeps it on the ground during the 11-play TD drive.

Michigan's TD drives took a lot of plays to develop (12 plays, 10 plays, 11 plays). They had another 5-play, 51-yard drive halted by a Minor fumble. They were able to move the ball on the Iowa defense, but not in large chunks. I'm no expert, but that gives Iowa a lot of chances to stop you when you don't have good field position. There were only 2 (of 13) underachieving drives, for me. Michigan got the ball at their own 37 and 39 and punted away on both of those. Otherwise, Michigan started (on average) from their own 28. They were dominant in running the football. The big, overwhelming problem was giving the ball away. You can't overcome 5 turnovers, even if you get a pick 6, without being much, much better than the other team. And the thing that Michigan was doing well, running the ball, became a non-factor on the last drive due to the clock situation.

What people are going to remember most about this game is that last drive, with 1:30 on the clock and Tate Forcier on the bench, and that's a shame. It's not Forcier on the bench that killed Michigan, it's the five turnovers. Iowa had good starting field position all day, thanks to Michigan's generosity. They converted that into 30 points on 367 yards of offense. And while most of those turnovers came in the middle of the field, they stopped 4 Michigan drives.

And about that Forcier thing: Something happened out there that made Rodriguez keep him off the field. Even before the benching, there were several times where Rodriguez got in his face. After the fumble, after the three-and-out from the Michigan 1, after Tate's final series. Something was wrong out there. I'm assuming Forcier wasn't making his reads correctly or listening to Rodriguez's coaching. He tried to simply walk away after the fumble, which is a dumb idea (This goes for you too, JT Floyd). I don't know if this is a Hoosiers moment like Greg thinks it is, but I don't think it's the worst call in the history of sports to bench Forcier. Yeah, Robinson looked like a panicked freshman on the last pass. Yeah, I'd rather see Forcier out there. But if it means we're a better team in the long run, I'll take it. This team has too many weaknesses to be a Big Ten title contender, so I'll trade a loss today for another win next year.

Ten Years On

The '99 Notre Dame game was my first in an MMB uniform. It was ungodly hot under a cloudless sky, but somehow we escaped without anyone passing out. I tried to take it all in before pregame. I watched Notre Dame's band march up and down the field, dropping flip folders and plumes along the way. Then Carl Grapentine came over the PA, intoning, "Ladies and gentlemen, preeesenting the TWO hundred and thirty-five memberrr MICHIGAN Marching Band. Baaaaand take the field!" After that is something of a blur, trying to figure out the stands cheers, remember my music, and will the team to victory. At halftime, with the Irish ahead, Notre Dame played a tribute to Ricky Martin and we did a Star Wars show. The game itself was a battle, and it was Tom Brady and Anthony Thomas driving down the field to score the winning touchdown with a minute and a half left in the game. It was an amazing first game. I was exhausted and drenched in sweat back at Revelli Hall. Hopefully, ten years later we get another Michigan win out of the Irish.

WTI: Western, Notre Dame, and RAWK MUSIC

And It Teases You For Weeks In Its Absence

This video should be in as many places as possible. Go to MGoBlog. Go right now.

Gallows humor was the best I could do last year. After the Toledo game, I quipped, "Nothing left to do but burn it down for the insurance money." And it felt like something was missing, like it did after The Horror. We weren't mathematically eliminated from a .500 record, but the team didn't look like it was even close to making that happen. It was only grim determination that kept me in my seat through the whole Northwestern game, that microcosm of a miserable season.

But nobody gave up. Frozen hands gripping the football, a saturation bombing campaign from Juice Williams, and an overmatched team struggling through a more than respectable first half against Ohio State only to give way to the inevitable. They'd play on.

And now we have a chance to begin anew. The moment before kickoff is often the sweetest of the year. The possibilities aren't quite endless, but they might as well be. Anything can happen before that first whistle, but only one thing will. It's the moment I'm most prone to wild, unchecked optimism. The cold, rational part of me was saying "6-6" in the offseason, but it's hard to keep myself restrained now. I can't wait for football to be back.

WTI: The Return