Fifty Mission Cap

Bryce understands the assignment (Rachel Leggett)

My fifty-mission cap

I worked it in

I worked it in to look like that

It's my fifty-mission cap

(It's his fifty-mission cap)

And I worked it in

I worked it in

And I worked it in to look like that

And I worked it in to look like that

--"Fifty Mission Cap" by The Tragically Hip, the second single from the band's 1993 album Fully Completely

"Fifty Mission Cap" is primarily the relaying of a story about Bill Barilko's 1951 Stanley Cup-winning goal and his subsequent disappearance after a plane crash in a remote part of northern Ontario.  But, as this excellent blog post explains, it's actually about appearances, and about seeming to be something rather than actually being.  Which brings us to last night's game.

It has become clearer to me that there are two types of rivalries in college football: The ones where you want your team to beat the opponent and revel in it when it happens, and the ones where you are merely relieved that your team did not lose to the opponent, and even that relief is often cold comfort.

Michigan presents a stark vision of this.  Ohio State has been so good for so long, the stakes frequently so high when the teams meet, that victory seems like the only acceptable outcome, but a loss, while frustrating, is understandable.  Certainly, the last four years have helped reestablish this rivalry's essence, which had gone cold for nigh on a decade.  But the Michigan State rivalry is the lowest-floor, lowest-ceiling rivalry.  Yes, Michigan players love parading Paul around in his maize pants and custom-made hat, and now the Buffs, after a win, are bowl-eligible before October is over. Still, for fans, it was either "win the game you were supposed to as a two-touchdown favorite" or "hear about this crap for a year, and probably longer." Why am I so sure of that?  Because that is how the history of this rivalry works.  I am mostly just grateful that there was no weird kerfuffle or dustup after the game, that the strangest part of the endgame was Bryce doing selfies with fans or passing out Hot Hands, which is like a 0.25 out of 10 on the outrage scale.

As for the game itself, it went from cruise control in the first quarter, to squeaky bum time in the second, to asserting control in the third, to being grateful for Michigan State's decision-making in the fourth (and 12 penalties for 105 yards).  Jimmy Rolder had a game so solid, I'm willing to dub it "The Jimmy Rolder Game." 10 solo tackles, one sack, three tackles for loss, and a recovered fumble, plus an absolute cruise missile of a TFL on a fourth down when the Spartans tried to tempo Michigan subbing, and he shot the gap and pretty much ended Michigan State's last gasp.

In the end, Michigan had its highest rushing output against Michigan State since the 1994 meeting, with Haynes going for 152 and a pair of touchdowns, complemented by Marshall's 110 and a TD, which is a reminder of Tyrone Wheatley's 153 and two TDs and Tshimanga Biakabatuka's 141 and a touchdown in the 1994 game mentioned above.  Michigan won a game on the road where Bryce Underwood passed for fewer yards than Davis Warren did in last year's edition of this game!  Michigan won, Paul stays in Ann Arbor, and everyone can move on with their lives.  Hail.

Tales from the Spreadsheet

• 31-20 IS NOT a Scorigami!  (Two previous occurrences, 1969 Purdue and 2018 Indiana (the snow angels game.)) (In case you were wondering, 31-13 is also NOT a Scorigami)
  
• 75,085 were in attendance for the game.
• Win 1,018.
  
  
• Michigan moves to 75-38-3 all-time against Michigan State University (including games when they were still State Agricultural College, Michigan Agricultural College, Michigan State College of Agriculture and Applied Science, Michigan State University of Agriculture and Applied Science, and finally Michigan State University), including four straight wins in the series for the first time since the 2002-2007 run of six straight wins.
• Michigan moves to 17-4-0 all-time on October 25, the feast of St. Crispin. (Like last week, it is Michigan's first win on this date since 2003!  Michigan evens its record against Michigan State to 2-2 on St. Crispin's Day —(we few, we happy few).
  
  
• Michigan improves to 46-4-0 when scoring exactly 31 points.
• Michigan moves to 25-21-1 all-time when allowing 20 points to the opposition.
• Michigan has won 22 games all-time by precisely 11 points, the most recent example being the aforementioned Snow Angels game against Indiana in 2018.

Go Let It Out

Paul stays in Ann Arbor. (Michigan Athletics)

Paint no illusion, try to click with what you got

Taste every potion 'cause if you like yourself a lot

Go let it out, go let it in, and go let it out

 --"Go Let It Out" by Oasis from the 2000 album Standing on the Shoulders of Giants

For the first time in almost twenty years of blogging about Michigan football, I took last week off from writing a game column.  Partially, I was at a wedding and had to watch the situation from an app in a barn in the Irish Hills, and partially, well, did we really need to talk about last week's game?  Everything that had been a problem remained a problem.

But how do you skip talking about the Michigan State game?  Coming in, I told several people who asked me what I thought was going to happen this weekend that for the first time since I first remember having a strong opinion about Michigan/Michigan State, (the infamous 1990 game where Michigan came in as #1 and lost on the failed two-point conversion when Eddie Brown tripped Desmond in the end zone, and it was not called.) I genuinely had no idea what was going to happen, and that any result would not surprise me.  (I still predicted Michigan 27, MSU 14, because I've been doing the Friday Five for over two decades.)  But you could be forgiven for thinking Michigan's recent tumble down a seemingly unending staircase would continue based on the first 25 minutes of the game.  But running a hurry-up offense, Michigan got together a drive in just under three minutes, capped by a Davis Warren TD pass to Colston Loveland that looked like things would tie things up until a bad snap led to a nightmare two-point conversion attempt, and Michigan was down 7-6.  However, Josiah Stewart strip-sacked Aidan Chiles, and Kenneth Grant got his turn with the buffs after just covering this fumble, which set up a short field and a quick Michigan field goal, and the maize and blue were ahead 9-7 at the half, wholly unexpectedly based on what had been shown for much of the first half.

So when Michigan came out of the locker room for the second half with their "July drive" and went 75 yards in a shade over five minutes, things looked much better.  Michigan State would counter with a field goal to bring it back to a one-possession game, but after a three and out for each side, Michigan took advantage of good field position and used arguably their most effective passer, Donovan Edwards, to find Colston Loveland in the end zone (as well as completing the octopus with Davis Warren finding him for the two-point conversion to make the missed extra point moot, which, let's face it, you know was in the back of the mind of most Michigan fans that it was going to be the downfall of this game.)

So here's where it gets interesting.  Michigan State is down two scores and probably needs to move with purpose with 13:20 left in the fourth.  Instead, they went on a thirteen-play, 75-yard drive that took over seven minutes, but one that did end in a touchdown to bring them within seven.  Now Michigan needed to burn clock and...went full Lloydball with a three-and-out that burned just 98 seconds before a middling punt that set MSU up at their own 49.  While an intentional grounding helped push Michigan State back to their own 35, the defense looked like it was going to give it all away, especially after a 30-yard gain on third down to put the Spartans on the edge of the red zone.  While a false start followed a short run to push MSU back outside the red zone, Michigan State faced 4th and 5 from the Michigan 16 and got the two-minute time-out to think it over.  Michigan's pressure forced Chiles into a bad throw that was almost picked off in the end zone, but now a new concern.  Michigan got the ball back with 1:52 left to play, and the Spartans had all three timeouts, so Michigan needs at least one first down to avoid having to punt the ball back to Michigan State (we all remember how that can go).  But Alex Orji scrambled for a first down, which, ironically, meant Michigan needed another first down, and after two short Mullings runs, 3rd and five loomed with MSU with one timeout left.  But once more, Alex Orji went for eight yards on a designed run, including a gorgeous baseball slide to end it, some kneel downs to end it, some extracurriculars (because, of course), but for just the sixth time since Michigan State joined the Big Ten, an unranked Michigan team won the Battle for Paul Bunyan (as opposed to eight losses, Michigan's been ranked for a lot of these.)  Sherrone Moore becomes the first Michigan coach to beat MSU in his first season.  

Michigan may not have saved their season, but they certainly didn't make it feel any worse than it does at the moment and likely keep the dream of bowl eligibility alive (not that it will be easy, given the Oregon, Indiana, and Ohio State games left on the slate.)  But my goodness, if left with the choice of beating Michigan State in a lost season or losing to Michigan State, we know that this win is a good thing.  Yes, the toxicity of this rivalry needs to come down, and there needs to be a path forward where these things don't devolve into fights or worse, seemingly every year.  But it is also much nicer to build on a win.  There are some clear things that have improved, while others have slid back a little bit, and it may be difficult to see the improvement next week when #1 Oregon comes in, but for now, Paul stays in Ann Arbor for another year, and that's enough for today.

Tales from the Spreadsheet

• Win 1,009
• 24-17 is NOT a Scorigami (3rd time, most recently 11/20/1999 against Ohio State.)
• 110,828 were in attendance (the 79th-largest crowd in Michigan Stadium history).
  
  
• Michigan moves to 74-38-5 all-time against Michigan State University.  Michigan retains the Paul Bunyan Trophy for another year (and moves to 41-29-2 in the trophy series).
• Michigan moves to 11-5 all-time on October 26 (the previous October 26 game was the most recent game with Notre Dame in the rain in 2019.) 
  
  
• Michigan moves to 38-8 when scoring exactly 24 points.
• Michigan moves to 37-16-2 all-time when allowing 17 points to the opposition.
• Michigan has won 53 games all-time by precisely 7 points, most recently, well, a Rose Bowl of some acclaim in January 2024.

Paint It, Black

Pick Six into Hitting the Bunyan (Michigan Athletics)

Maybe then, I'll fade away
And not have to face the facts
It's not easy facing up
When your whole world is black

No more will my green sea
Go turn a deeper blue
I could not foresee this thing
Happening to you

"Paint It, Black" by the Rolling Stones from their 1966 album Aftermath

Well, that was something else.  The Bobby Williams Game in 2002, the 49-3 beatdown so bad that when asked if he had lost his team, then-MSU head coach Bobby Williams replied, "I don't know," has long been my gold standard for "Michigan not only has more talent, they want it more than Michigan State" games.  The nature of the rivalry, especially in the 21st century, has yet to allow Michigan to demonstrate much of this.  So when you combined what this blog's founder, Geoff, called "the Bad Ideas Bowl" of playing this game at night in East Lansing with liquor sales allowed for the first time in the stadium, there might have been a little trepidation.

Michigan left no doubt in its intentions.

The 12-play, 84-yard opening drive was not flawless, but it showed one of the elements that Michigan has demonstrated time and again this year: its ability to keep moving the chains even when it doesn't look great.  An uncharacteristic false start penalty on Corum and an incomplete pass by JJ?  No problem, just find Barner for 21 yards.  It wasn't dink and dunk; it was purposeful, efficient, and ended in the end zone for six.  

Michigan State's first drive looked interesting enough.  NBC made a point to show Katin Houser going over to the sidelines to get the play call on each play, a precaution against the accusations of sign stealing by Michigan that had cropped up during the week, and some thought might be a distraction.  But for anything Michigan State tried to get going, a holding call put Michigan State off schedule, leading to a 4th and 2 at midfield that Michigan State went for.  At the time, it was a good call and a right call, but they failed to convert and gave Michigan a short field with which to work.  A series of McCarthy passes ended with, once again, Roman Wilson in the end zone (giving him the most TDs by a Michigan wide receiver since Desmond Howard in 1991). Michigan was up 14-0, and a rout looked at least like a reasonable surmise as the end result.

The rest of the half, Michigan's defense did not allow Michigan State to gain more than ten yards on a drive while adding two more touchdowns by Colston Loveland, and nearly a third was it not for a false start call on Donovan Edwards that probably should have been picked up since Edwards was moving backward, but nevertheless, a 10-second runoff ensued. 

Michigan State had a chance to come out after halftime with their scripted drive, and it looked promising, but faced with a 4th and 7, Mike Sainristil picked off a Houser pass and ran it back 72 yards for a touchdown.  Michigan's fourth pick-six of the season.

The rest of the game was largely academic.  Michigan State got into the personal fouls as a form of expression territory; Michigan's backups were undisciplined themselves.  Still, a wonderful bookend of a Jaden McBurrows interception led, in part, to an Alex Orji option back drive that resulted in the final TD of the game after Michigan State was more than happy to commit yet another personal foul, setting Michigan up with first and goal from the MSU six.  Orji put the capper on a night of domination, Michigan's largest win over the Spartans since they joined the Big Ten and the largest shutout victory over the Spartans since they were renamed Michigan State.  Perhaps Michigan State's black uniforms were just knowing that the atmosphere in Spartan Stadium would end up funereal for their fans?

No one knows how the rest of things play out this year.  Is the NCAA investigation a witch hunt because they're pissed at Harbaugh, or did Michigan actually screw something up?  Is Michigan actually good, or do they just keep processing opponents so thoroughly that it's hard to tell if anyone they're playing is good?  None of these answers will come this week during the bye, but for now, Michigan looks like it's rolling, and that's enjoyable enough.

Tales from the Spreadsheet

• Win 0997
• 49-0 is NOT a Scorigami (one of the fastest confirmations I've ever had because of Michigan's first two Rose Bowls.  This was the seventh such occurrence; the most recent was Homecoming 1974 vs Minnesota.)
• 74,206 was the attendance (Yep, it wasn't even a sellout at Spartan Stadium.)
  
  
• Michigan moves to 73-38-5 all-time against MAC/MSC/Michigan State University.
• Michigan has won 2 straight over Michigan State.
• Michigan moves to 17-3-0 all-time on October 21.
  
  
• Michigan moves to 21-0 when scoring exactly 49 points.
• Michigan moves to 337-0-12 all-time when shutting its opponent out.
• Michigan earns its first shutout since 2022 UConn, its first B1G shutout since 2019 Rutgers, and its first road shutout since 2016 Rutgers.
• Michigan has won 8 games all-time by precisely 49 points (the seven 49-0 results and the really wacky 70-21 game against Illinois in 1981, a game in which Michigan was down 21-7 in the first quarter before scoring NINE unanswered touchdowns).  The Bentley has the digitized game film!)

Troubled Times

Well, I mean, at least Blake Corum looked good. (Rick Osentoski-USA TODAY Sports)

And it takes a lot of nerve to ask how she is doing. 

Start with a weak foundation, you will end in ruins. 

The ways the days and hours pass you'll never understand 

Falling like rain through your hands

"Troubled Times" by Fountains of Wayne from their 1999 album Utopia Parkway

It was more troubling than a blowout might indicate because it was a thousand deaths in the margins.  Michigan decided that it would keep doing what it thought it should do on paper, despite the evidence facing them in the game.  Michigan's defense relies on superb DB play to cover in man, and it showed time and again yesterday that it was going to be difficult.  Michigan State's receivers made some absolutely difficult catches, but they made them when they counted, and that was enough.

Michigan's offense kept running up the middle with little to no discernable effect, lighting first downs on fire like they were trying to keep warm in the old abandoned stadium, then looking confused when they were off schedule on third and longs.  Joe Milton did his damndest to keep things going and did a lot more than he didn't, shades of poor damn Devin Gardner. Still, in the end, Michigan State looked like they wanted to win more, were playing looser and freer, and Michigan couldn't get things together for long enough to get out of their own way and try to win the football game.  When you run a wildcat pass inside the five instead of using your 6' 5" highly mobile quarterback, a play that costs you four points in a three-point loss, maybe you're just too committed to clever?

We're looping back to the feeling of being lost, like in 2014, but without any real sense of where to go next.  That sense of dread that Michigan is slated to forever be something like boring Auburn or store-brand Wisconsin.  Good, very good, but not top tier, and maybe not even second tier.  And there's nothing that can be done about it.  Michigan got the best coach it could get, one that everyone agreed would be a great fit and a great coach, and it's basically still what it was for a long time.  This is, admittedly, a significant improvement over the seven years of RR and Hoke, but it's just not going to happen.  In other years, it was more explicable, a loss to Notre Dame to start the season or twin losses to Wisconsin and Penn State on the road.  But this one, this loss, makes no sense on paper.  When things make no sense on paper, people look to intangibles, and there's a lot of not liking what they see.

For so long, Michigan has taken solace in the past, that once was could be again.  "The world has changed, and none of us can go back. All we can do is our best, and sometimes the best that we can do is to start over."  What was isn't any longer.  We can celebrate the past, and we should, but we must remember that it is not a guarantee of the future because no one's future is guaranteed.  You have to work hard to earn what you want, and too often, there is a sense that Michigan presumes a birthright path to the top of the heap.  We want to tell ourselves that we're different, but it's a delusion built on years of arrogance.  We refuse to get out of our own way because we so desperately want that world back, a world from many of our GenX childhoods where Michigan was ultra-reliable as long as it wasn't bowl season.  But even the historical record since World War II doesn't bear out this sense of entitlement.  There is a strange simultaneous tendency to get mad at anyone who dares point these things out and gets mad at anyone who dares not give Michigan its perceived due.  Michigan doesn't hold up its end of the bargain in "the best rivalry in sports" and has trouble holding up its end in the in-state rivalry.  We're wandering aimlessly, hoping for a sign that will lead us forward, a sign that will never come, but instead chasing after false prophets, destined to let us down, time and time again.  Yet, there is no sense that the signal is coming, or will ever come to us.  

I often point to the fact that one of the hallmarks of Michigan fandom is the Michigan fan community, the ties that bind us, in person or virtually, across the years, the good times, and the tough ones.  This just feels different because it's just this strange sense of "I'm not angry, I'm not disappointed, I'm just sad."  When so many people tie up their belief in the possibility of something, only to see those ideas slip away from them, sadness becomes the primary feeling, because we've already been through the other notions of what we can do about it.

This column is probably too pessimistic, too forlorn, probably tapping into other strains of sadness that are running parallel but very close to this stream.  In this strange year, it is difficult to see individual notions of what is making one sad, all of the colors are bleeding into one.  It was perhaps too much to expect and even too much to ask to have Michigan football be something more than it's been in decades to lift our spirits; fervent hope still runs headlong into the limitations of reality.

But it would have been nice to keep Paul home and save the football existential crisis for another week.

Blinded (When I See You)

Donovan played the hits, and the people were happy.  (Photo by Patrick Barron)

Let's be clear.  When Michigan State went up 7-0 in the first quarter, all of the old narratives were settling in.  Michigan was taking bad penalties to extend Spartan drives, Michigan was not covering short and intermediate routes and Brian Lewerke looked like he had one more game in him to screw things up for Michigan.

But Michigan answered on the next drive, even if it took to just past the quarter break.  Michigan State extended the drive with a personal foul, and getting back to even at 7-7 was a solid reset.

So when Aidan Hutchinson got an unsportsmanlike penalty, the teeter was tottered by Michigan State earning a pair of unsportsmanlike penalties (on the same play!) turning a twenty yard gain into a ten-yard loss on the play, and eventually leading to a Michigan State punt that would be downed at the two-yard line.

3 yards, incomplete, 8 yards, 3 yards, 15 yards, 14 yards, 6 yards, 5 yards, incomplete but DPI so 15 yards, -3 yards, 5 yards-touchdown.  98 yards in 12 plays with just one (non-penalty) incompletion and one negative play.  That drive was a Michigan team playing within itself, spreading the ball around (Haskins, DPJ, Charbonnet, Patterson keeper, Bell, Bell again, Charbonnet, Sanistril, Nico targeted, Haskins, and then Eubanks, eight different Michigan players moved the ball on the drive.)

So you could be forgiven, going into the half with Michigan up 17-7 for thinking "We're letting them hang around.  No good can come of this."  They could be forgiven for worrying, up 27-10 as Michigan State lined up for a critical fourth and 1 at their own 45 that this thing was not over yet.

And then one of the most remarkable three-play sequences in the history of this rivalry left no doubt.  First, Michigan's defense drew a false start, allegedly using the "MOVE" play that Don Brown is so fond of using.  Then, Michigan State, deciding that they need to punt on the 4th and 6, fell prey to Khaleke Hudson's sixth career punt block/deflection, giving Michigan the ball on the MSU 22.  One snap later, Shea found Nico Collins on the goal line and the entire stadium could sense the rout was on.

But all of this pales in comparison to the fiesta of penalties.  This from the same crew that called OSU 2016.  Here now, a list, in order:

• False Start - Michigan
• DPI - Michigan [cough]
• Offsides - Michigan
• Personal Foul - Michigan State
• Unsportsmanlike Conduct - Michigan
• Unsportsmanlike Conduct - Michigan State
• Unsportsmanlike Conduct - Michigan State (on the same play!)
• DPI - Michigan State #chuckittoNico
• Roughing the Passer - Michigan (on the same play as a defensive holding, Michigan and a DPI, Michigan.)
• 12 Men in the Defensive Formation - Michigan
• Unsportsmanlike Conduct - Michigan (flexing is now a crime)
• Intentional Grounding - Michigan (because Shea was the second player to pass the ball)
• False Start - Michigan State
• Unsportsmanlike Conduct - Michigan State (a flagrant!)
• Sideline Interference - Michigan
• Unsportsmanlike Conduct - Michigan State (by the brother of the flagrant!)
• Personal Foul - Michigan State

(This doesn't even count Giles Jackson nearly costing Michigan 30 yards on a kickoff that went out of bounds because he almost touched it before it went out.)

The Battle for Bunyan is always a chippy affair, so it's understandable that Michigan was happy to see it over and done with a comfortable win.  It may be the last stand of Mark Dantonio as Michigan State's coach, that remains to be seen.  But Michigan's won three of the last four in the series.  It's not quite back to "just like old times" but Paul's staying home and has fancy new pants.  We'll take it.

Mr. Jones

Strike a Pose: 2018 Edition (Dustin Johnson / DJPhotoVideo)

We all wanna be big, big stars
Yeah, but we got different reasons for that
Believe in me
'Cause I don't believe in anything
And I wanna be someone to believe, to believe, to believe
Yeah!
"Mr. Jones", Counting Crows, August and Everything After, 1993

We can safely say that this was by no means as pretty or as fun as last week's outing.  It was far too close for comfort, even when the numbers said Michigan was comfortably in control, well, we all know what those ESPN numbers can actually mean in the real world, but especially in this game.

It was moments after the feeling that Michigan State's legendary luck, it's perma-horseshoe, was going to help them pull off another miracle was settling in when Shea Patterson got a super clean pocket, waited for a beat, then launched a beautiful arcing throw to a racing Donovan Peoples-Jones, who beat his man, slipped a last-gasp tackle attempt, and found paydirt for a 79 yard TD.  DPJ then proceeded to pose like the Paul Bunyan Trophy and while the game was not over by a longshot, it felt much better for the remainder of the day, because Michigan's defense was not going to allow a weather-induced slopfest stop them from making Michigan State if not regret, then at least question several of their life choices on the offensive side of the ball.  While a flag festival on MSU's final drive was enough to make a vexillologist convention happy, Michigan's relentless defense held Michigan State under 100 yards of total offense and won back Paul Bunyan and continued its revenge tour.

There will be people frustrated that Michigan has "lowered" itself to Michigan State's level, cries of "We're better than this!" and "Act like you've been there before!"  In the past, I might have even agreed with this, but I realize now, Michigan needs to loathe Michigan State as much as Michigan State loathes them.  They need to feel it deeply and completely, allowing it to permeate every membrane of their collective selves, seeping into every crack, and filling them with the same devotion to getting the job done.  Michigan State has made a living off trick plays and luck that defies math for the last decade (seriously, Mark Dantonio may actually have assembled all of the pieces of the Weather Dominator, having successfully stolen them from GI Joe), Michigan could not afford to say "Ohio State is the only rival that matters" any longer.  They understood it.  They heard the narratives, 1-5 against rivals, haven't beat a ranked team on the road since 2006, they knew the world needed to erase those narratives and the only way that you can do that is to win this game.

It was not a given.  Even after taking the 7-0 lead on the longest TD drive in Michigan history (because of the weather delay, it took forever.  Yes, this is a lame joke, we don't care.) and just as Michigan's defense forced Lewerke into bad pass after bad pass, the inescapable feeling that Michigan had left points on the field, gifted with great field position and failing to cash in each and every time, including a disturbingly bad looking kick by Quinn Nordin, and headed into the locker room sitting on the 7-0 lead.  Grumblings about conservative play calling, burning downs, and Shea's indecision swirled like the hot dog wrappers that tornadoed around Spartan Stadium during the weather delay.  The rain returned, the strip fumble of Chris Evans inside the Michigan 10, and a trick play later, the 7-7 tie made it seem like all of those premonitions and predictions of doom were about to come true.  So when the shot that people had been begging for all game paid off, when the running that had looked to be going nowhere had finally worn down the Spartan defense and was rewarded with a Ben Mason touchdown, it was a reminder of one indelible truth of football: Defense Travels.

So Michigan enjoyed the win, their second in three years over the Spartans, Michigan Twitter maybe enjoyed it even more (OK, not as much as Chase Winovich) and Paul returned to his rightful home in Ann Arbor, and the joy of an open date coming off two straight big wins laid out ahead of the team and of us fans.  Order has not yet been restored, but you can't start a winning streak without winning one.

Michigan Backcourt Theater Episode 1119: Timeout Chasers

ZACK NOVAK, STU DOUGLASS, TIM HARDAWAY JR., and TREY BURKE leave the Crisler Center after an intense practice.

ZACK NOVAK

Oh man, that was brutal! I could sleep for days!

STU DOUGLASS

Yeah, I haven't worked so hard since that time I managed to dunk against Tennessee. I'm exhausted.

TIM HARDAWAY JR.

I'd love to get some shuteye too, but Trey and I promised the girls we'd deliver the leis we picked up for them at the Maui Invitational.

JENNY RYAN enters.

JENNY RYAN

Hey guys, finally got some flowers for your ladies?

TREY BURKE

[carrying a large box] Yeah, we got 'em right here.

TREY notices a suspicious looking red and green van parked nearby.

TREY BURKE

Hey, there's usually nobody parked here this late except for Coach B and the staff. I hope nobody's in troub...

ZACK, STU, TIM, TREY, and JENNY are simultaneously hit in the backs of their heads with blunt objects, knocking them unconscious.

CUT TO:

INT. SATELLITE OF YOST

Our heroes awaken.

STU

What the heck is this place? Where are we? [notices a video camera] Hey cool, that is one awesome camera!

JENNY

This place stinks. It smells like Van Bergen dropped a deuce in here. I'm going to figure out how to get the life support systems running.

ZACK

Hey, Tim and Trey, we should go exploring. That's weird...a bunch of numbered doors...and behind them...a theater? What the hell?

CUT TO:

THEME SONG

In the not too distant future, Saturday A.D.

There was a guy named Zack, not too different from you or me

He worked at Schembechler Institute, just another face in a maize jumpsuit

He distributed mail all throughout the place, but his bosses kinda liked him so they made him set the pace

(Slow it down!)

We'll send him tall defenders, the best we can find

He'll have to thread it through them all as we monitor his mind

Now keep in mind he can't control when the games begin or end

He'll try to keep his sanity with the help of his backcourt friends...

BACKCOURT ROLL CALL!

Douglass! (Polarize!)

Jenny! (Hustle!)

Tim Jr.! (It gets better!)

Treeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyy! (I'm awesome!)

If you're wondering how he eats and breathes and other science facts

He's got a meal card and it's set on earth so you can really just relax

For Michigan Backcourt Theater 3000.

FADE IN TO:

INT. SATELLITE OF YOST

STU has ensconced himself behind the camera and is devoting his time to recording the proceedings for eventual use in a court of law.

JENNY

Zack, Trey, Tim! There's a bunch of weird buttons here. And there's a red one that's flashing.

TIM JR.

Since things can't get much worse, we might as well push it.

ZACK pushes the red button.

Two-Face

With the bye week upon us, I'm not writing about Michigan this week, because everything's been said. So I'm choosing to write about another Big Ten team and my vision for their future.  So I would not blame you, Michigan fan, if you chose to skip it.

"You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain."

Yahoo's Dan Wetzel, in series of three tweets on Sunday morning, said the following:

"Lot of talk about Michigan State being unduly physical, even dirty. Whatever. I say embrace it as your identity.
Denard facemask twist was over the top. The other stuff, I don't know. MSU is never going to get a bunch of speedster, have to be tough.
Michigan State deserves whatever penalties and suspensions they get. Mentality of playing on (or over) the edge is working though."

That's when it occurred to me, Wetzel is 100%, absolutely correct.  This is exactly what Michigan State needs to do.  They must embrace this role.  They must become the Big Ten's bully, the most physical team, the dirtiest team in the conference.

The reason is simple: Michigan State's current national identity, as much as they have one in football, is built around essentially "Sparty, no!"  That's not just with Michigan fans, when Rece Davis says it on College Football Final, you have an identity crisis.  You will not embrace the Little Brother standard, and that's probably wise, because no one wins with that.  But pure evil, goatee wearing evil, yes, that is what Michigan State football could be.

Fascinating.

Think about it, think about all of the time you could save.  You wouldn't need to feign sportsmanship at press conferences, you could just come out and say that your players played sixty minutes of unnecessary roughness and you were lucky you didn't get caught.  Your players could come right out and say that the game was played dirty. You wouldn't need to ignore the actions of your team off the field and you could immediately allow players who had served jail time back on to your team without any kind of punishment.  You wouldn't need to spend days on internal reviews of a punch by one of your players caught on camera.  It would just be who you are.  You could be like the Raiders of the Big Ten.  You could play on the edge of the rules, cross over the river of sportsmanship like a bridge, burn the bridge, burn the ashes, salt the earth, and take up residence to the dark side of college football.  You could start wearing black helmets, black jerseys, and black pants with the tiniest hint of green to remind you of your past and become the nemesis, the bully.  Instead of being the Goofus to Michigan's Gallant, you would be Hades to Michigan's Zeus, Angra Mainyu to Michigan's Ahura Mazda, Louis XIV to Michigan's Phillipe, Bizarro to Michigan's Superman, Lore to Michigan's Data, Bender to Michigan's Flexo.  You could be wholly unapologetic about it, unrepentant in the least.

Seriously Sparty, you know you want tell people to bite your shiny bronze age ass.

Now, if you do this, I do have one request, and that is to stop pretending that you are anything but this.  Stop having your coach pay lip service to the ideas of sportsmanship and values and merely not comment on it.  Stop pretending that looking stern is the same as choosing to act sternly when it comes to discipline.  Stop trying to convince the country that your program believes in playing nicely with others.  Evil comes with a price, and if you decide to go the Two-Face route, in the end, everyone will know what you are.  Because people can abide by evil, but they cannot stand being lied to their face.

The 24 hour rule, the Peloponnesian War, and an Oracle.

I have this rule at work about what I do when someone sends me an email that sends me into a near apoplectic fit.

1). I resolve that I will not respond for 24 hours if at all feasible, or 12, or 1 hour as the situation warrants.

2). If I can, I will write out the angry response I want to write in Word, and then immediately delete it and close Word.

This has the advantage of getting everything off my mind that could be unfortunate before actually responding. So trust me to say that there was an epic post that went into the digital ether on Saturday night. I don't remember much of it, but I do know that there was a point where Dave, my college roommate and Michigan football partner in crime, and I were contemplating how cathartic the actions of certain Central/South American or Serbian "ultras" must feel at soccer games and we'll leave it at that.

It was a little later that I was struck by the story of the Peloponnesian War. The brief version of it was that for most of the 5th Century BC, Athens had leveraged its power into protecting the other Greek city-states, earning tribute from them and in turn had used it to build up temples and public works. It set forth the attitude that it was the greatest, the finest, and that it always won. Then, in 430 BC, a plague struck Greece, hitting Athens harder than any other city-state, killing anywhere for one-third to two-thirds of the population of Athens and their longtime leader, Pericles. Pericles had been a long time defensive strategist, a conservative who would rather force the enemy into making a mistake, but with him gone the Athenians now went for a bolder strategy, bringing in a clever new general who tried audacious new strategies. The Athenian population was excited but concerned, the Spartan leadership was staunch, the best it had been in decades and the Athenians were divided over whether the new general could win. It was not until the Athenians decided to get involved with Syracuse that the Athenians reached the point of no return and the Spartans would conquer the hated Athenians.

Now, it kind of falls apart from there. We could talk about how the Spartans repeatedly offered terms of peace to the Athenians, but the Athenians were too proud to accept them. We could talk about how Athens would be come to be ruled by the Thirty Tyrants as a reaction to their defeat, only to see democracy quickly restored. We could talk about how the Spartans were eventually humbled by the Thebans at the Battle of Leuctra thirty years later. We could talk about how Athens and Sparta were both eventually conquered by Philip II of Macedon. But these parallels fall apart. The reality is, for the third straight year, Michigan can only see that it lost to Michigan State. It can only see that Michigan State had an exceptional game plan, executed it to a T, and forced Michigan in to making mistakes. Michigan is left to stare at its glorious temple on a hill, dedicated to those who have protected the citizens for years, looking for signs from an oracle, and wondering if we are interpreting the ambiguous garbled messages correctly, or if what the holy man told us was only what we wanted to hear.

What I do know is that for the Athenians, the temple is still there on a hill, a glorious ruin of what once was, one of the true wonders of their Classical Age. For the Spartans, their legacy is a bunch of CGI abdominal muscles and kicking foreign diplomats into a bottomless pit in the center of their civilization. The side upon which you fall on this debate tells you all you need to know about yourself. Because the Oracle can't tell you anything. Even about the 3-3-5.

Aftermath

Conboy and Tropp have been suspended for the season and dismissed from the MSU hockey program. Comley appeared to leave room for Tropp's reinstatement, but Conboy had already decided to move on. Good. This is exactly the punishment I wanted to see. It's appropriate for the violent assault they perpetrated on Kampfer, but allows Tropp (who doesn't seem to be that bad apart from this incident) a way back into college hockey.

It sounds a lot like Carson Butler's dismissal in March of 2007 (man, that seems like forever ago) following the St. Patrick's Day Nerd Massacre. You're off the team. Prove to me you deserve to earn back your spot. If Tropp keeps his nose clean and runs the 6 AM steps for the next three months, I don't have a problem with seeing him back in the green and white next October. He'll always carry the stigma of this incident, and if he breathes on Kampfer the wrong way he'll get jumped and then tossed from the game. Butler ended up being more trouble than he's worth and he's on his way to the "NFL draft". For his sake, I hope Tropp follows a better path.

There's been this bizarre strain going around how Michigan as a team and as a fanbase hasn't been "classy" about the incident, specifically referring to the language used by the student section in their "F*** you, State!" chant at the end of the game. The State News guy devoted some column inches to it and one of the first comments on the initial MLive story (I know, that's my own fault for reading them) was to the effect of "Stay classy, Ann Arbor". My response: "Classy" isn't even a part of the equation here; "appropriate" is.

I'm going to echo the sentiments of MSC, Yost Built, and MGoBlog. Your concerns pale entirely beside a college kid getting assaulted in front of our eyes. Whether you call the response "appropriate" depends on whether the standard is "safe for network TV" or "justified by the circumstances". Any reasonable person would call this the ideal time to deploy the F-bomb. There are reasons these words exist in the language and this one is there for people other than David Mamet, Fred Durst, and ODB.

Michael Rosenberg's column in the Free Press is kind of a mess. He's trying to humanize Corey Tropp as a local kid who made a bad decision, and brings up Bruce Kampfer's excursion into the locker room as if it's an equal point of comparison. We don't know enough to say much about that. But Bruce Kampfer didn't attack Tropp with a hockey stick while he was possibly unconscious. And Corey Tropp didn't just see his kid have his life put in danger for the second time this season. It doesn't make what Bruce Kampfer did right, not by any means, but the comparison is almost totally useless. The column would've been more effective if he'd only made passing reference to the incident. I can get that Tropp could well be a decent human being without trying prove that not everyone on either side is destined for sainthood.

Finally, security for the visitors' locker room at Yost is a joke. It's a freaking curtain. If the south door is open, it flaps in the breeze and you catch a glimpse of a guy riding the excercise bike. It's encouraging that nothing has happened up to now, but things need to change At the very least, a flimsy wall (with a lockable door) should be built there so you can't just lift the curtain and head on in. I'm hopeful that the NCAA might have a slightly more favorable opinion of Yost if that were to occur.*

.

*No, I will not be holding my breath. Thanks for the concern.

Kampfer Link Roundup

Michigan 5, FYS 3 - Yost Built game recap and response to the attack

Michigan completes Spartan Sweep, Kampfer injured (YouTube) - MVictors with the first video (better video)
MVictors stills and breakdown

MichiganHockey.net recap

What We Learned: Don't Trust the Spartans, Passerby - The Two Line Pass

"The most interesting hockey event of the weekend didn’t happen in the NHL, the AHL or even Major Juniors. Instead, that event is the gutless, appalling attack (there’s no other word for it) by Michigan State’s Andrew Conboy and Corey Tropp on Michigan’s Steve Kampfer late in the dying moments of Saturday night’s game, in which the Wolverines were beating the absolute piss out of the Spartans for two straight games."

Animals - MGoBlog

"Kampfer's mother went down to the State bench and started screaming. An usher came up to restrain her, and she cried out "that's my son." Another relative was looking around incredulously, crying, panicking, her hands waving in the air pointlessly. It's the kind of random motion you make when something has to be done and you're totally helpless."

Thank God - Yost Built on Kampfer OK

Brian posts that Kampfer will be fine

Bruce Ciskie at the FanHouse

"If Conboy and Tropp aren't suspended for the remainder of the season, justice hasn't been served. The Michigan State hockey team and the university in general should be embarrassed by that behavior, and they shouldn't tolerate the perpetrators putting on the MSU jersey again this season."

Western College Hockey:

"A few weeks ago, Rick Comley was whining about how unfair it is that officials kept calling penalties on Andrew Conboy. But the name 'Conboy' and 'self control' have never exactly gone together. I think a disgusting incident like this says a lot about Conboy as a player and as a person. I'm sure Corey Tropp feels really tough too taking a two-handed slash to a player laying motionless on the ice."

...

"And if you needed another strange twist to this sad story, Rick Comley's postgame interview was a lecture on class, because during the postgame handshake, some Michigan players gasp.....swore at him. Thankfully, Comley is not a 19th century woman prone to fainting spells, so he didn't end up in the hospital like Kampfer because of it."

Paula Weston's sidebar does not reference "F*** you, State", as Yost Built predicted, but does give the students a good tut-tutting for calling BS when a goal was waved off after review. Nobody in the building had any idea why that State shot needed a review; clearly not a goal. Or why the Rust goal would have been reviewed: Obviously a goal.

MLive and the Daily basically confirm that it was Kampfer's dad in the locker room. MLive doesn't mention their earlier assertion that he was there to confront Comley, but this time they agree that he was there for an "unnamed player". The Daily follows up that DPS specified the player was the one who had been ejected, which would mean Tropp. They also have a source claiming Mr. Kampfer admits he grabbed Tropp by the jersey. I'm no lawyer, but this may technically amount to assault. If Kampfer Sr. gets charged and Tropp skates free, that is an appalling joke.

Nicole Auerbach may be overly cynical in thinking the State players went after the head and neck because it's Kampfer. I think they were just going after a vulnerable place on any player.

Brian wants the banhammer.

MVictors: Mel Pearson was on WTKA with Andy Evans and said very little of consequence with regard to the incident, which is consistent with Red's remarks last night, but Mitera is ahead of the curve on his comeback.

Brian after the news comes out that Conboy and Tropp were suspended for the remainder of the season. And a little more on the subject.

Conboy and Tropp Suspended for the Season - Yost Built is more accepting of the punishment meted out.

It’s all our fault! It’s all our fault! - MichiganHockey.net with a takedown of the Spartans' official recap and that State News guy with the DMB necklace.

Puck Daddy:

"It was an unconscionable attack in its brutality; the kind of snap aggression that got Chris Simon blackballed from the NHL; the sort of reckless disregard for both hockey code and human life that put Todd Bertuzzi on a years-long image rehab tour. We've seen gang beat-downs with more social etiquette than this."

I agree with the Maize n Brew stance on whether the law should get involved here, especially since Kampfer escaped serious injury.

Kampfer gives an interview to The Game/the Daily.

"It makes me sick to think that somebody could do that. It’s unnecessary. A shot to the neck that could obviously - I can’t speak for them and say that there was intent. But it’s uncalled for. I understand it’s a heated rivalry, and even more so now. It’s something that we’re not going to forget. The coaches have already told us that. And obviously I’ll remember that the next time we play them."

MGoBlog gets the news that the suspensions have been upgraded to dismissals.

Yost Built on the dismissal.

MLive puts on the journalist hat and talks to Red.

MVictors has the audio of appearances by Summers and Red

53 Seconds Left in the Third Period

Photo: Michigan Daily

I've watched all five Michigan-Michigan State hockey games this year. In all but one, Michigan came out and blasted State off the ice. In that game, the only one played at Munn, Michigan scored three goals in the final five minutes to secure a 5-3 victory. On Friday, Craig and I went down to the Joe. We saw what we expected: Michigan dominating play, making State look shorthanded even on the power play, and another win. Surprisingly, the game didn't get all that chippy until the very end. Saturday was different.

I didn't have a ticket when I woke up, but I hit the Yost box office as soon as it opened and got a seat. Beer and stilton fries at Ashley's, then back down State Street. My seat was in the south end zone, row 5 just behind the goal State would be defending for two periods. The view was partially obscured by the goal judge's booth and by the fence over the tunnel, but it was a better seat than I was expecting. The students demanded to know "WHERE'S THE MIDGET?" when they saw Palmisano in net instead of Lerg.

36 seconds into the period, Rust beat the MSU defense and Palmisano, fooling him and putting the puck in over his left shoulder. After a weird interlude with a review, the goal appeared to be waved off. In reality it was for a Spartan shot that even I could see wasn't a goal. Weird review. We were confused to see the score put up as 1-0. Then Turnbull took a 3-2 pass from Kampfer and made it a 2-0 game. The anemic powerplay even came through. I saw Lebler doing a great job of screening Palmisano as the puck came around the blue line to Burlon and he uncorked one before Palmisano knew he had the puck. 3-0. At one point, the shots were 11-1 in Michigan's favor.

Unfortunately, the scoring didn't switch ends when the teams did. Langlais took a post hoc, ergo propter hoc tripping call for waving his stick at a State player who took two steps then fell, then Sprague did something I didn't see to get sent off. Schepke then sniped one over Hogan's shoulder. The announcer called it a shortie, but I'm sure it was 4-4 hockey. Then a total defensive breakdown off the faceoff let Andrew Rowe walk in and beat Hogan one-on-one. I had no view whatsoever of what happened at the other end of the rink a few minutes later to prompt a review, but the lamp never lit and the review was denied, so the score remained 3-2 after two periods.

Palmisano had straight-up stoned Hagelin twice in the first period, but at the opening of the second Carl darted past the State defense off the faceoff, took the pass from Rust and deposited it in the back of the net just 12 seconds into the period.

This was followed a minute later by Turnbull making a horrible pass across the middle of the ice in his own zone. State just had to step in and take the shot. Hogan was caught and the puck went past him. Turnbull was furious with himself as he deliberately skated back to center ice. He set himself on the press box side of the circle, cussing himself out. Later in his shift, he skated in on the State net only to be dragged down by Brandon Gentile and ridden into the goal. With Turnbull pinned under him, Gentile smacked him in the face and pushed him around. When Turnbull finally got out from under, he was livid and smacked Gentile right back as they continued shoving. Inexplicably, Gentile didn't get an extra two.

Six minutes later, Palushaj was also taken down heading for the net. Again, no call. But Palushaj took Palmisano down with him. No call. Michigan kept the puck in the zone while chaos reigned in front of the net. Palmisano popped back up, looking for the puck, and Summers blasted one past him to push the lead back out to two. After the goal (and the subsequent review), Palmisano knocked the net off its moorings again to have another chat with Likens about what happened.

With only three minutes in the game, Conboy was deep in the Michigan zone with Llewellyn against the boards, then punched him in the face right in front of a ref. This was the second time Llewellyn had gotten facewashed in front of a ref without getting a whistle. Ridiculous no-call that should have put State in a hole for most of the remaining game. Instead, Llewellyn – never one to shy away from taking whatever revenge he can – hit Conboy as soon as he had the opportunity. I was then surprised to see both Conboy and Llewellyn heading to the box. He must have said one of the magic words, but not magical enough to draw a misconduct penalty.

Conboy and Llewellyn jumped out of the box as State was bringing the puck back up through the neutral zone. As Tropp approached the blue line, Kampfer stepped up and laid a solid open-ice hit on him. Tropp saw him comind and stepped into the hit, staying on his feet. Kampfer turned and headed back into his own zone, as Tropp had dumped the puck off. Conboy sucker-punched him high on the back and Kampfer tumbled over. Tropp skated over and slashed him as he lay prone on the ice. A scrum developed, with Miller going after Conboy and Conboy going after anything that moved (Tropp was ready to be all over anything that didn't).

Both Conboy and Tropp were first led to the penalty box. Then Tropp was escorted to the tunnel. We screamed at him as he went by. Then they decided Conboy was done too. By this time, I'd realized it was Kampfer who had again gotten jumped from behind and it was Conboy again with a dirty hit. As he passed under me, I screamed obscenities at him so loudly that one of the scratches came out and stared at me. The student section was going apeshit. Finally, Kampfer got to his knees, then Langlais and Wohlberg helped him off the ice.

I thought about it all going out on FSN with a sort of grim satisfaction. At least there'd be a wide audience who saw what happened; what goons Conboy and Tropp are. I wondered if the visitors' locker room was still just a curtained-off area under the stands and if some of the students were going to start something. The game ended, and after seeing that there wasn't going to be a brawl in the handshake line, I took off before anything else could happen. It was an ugly atmosphere.

I never want to see anything like that again. If I see a guy, regardles of team, go into the boards awkwardly or take a hit from behind, it never fails to give me that little jolt of fear in my chest that maybe this guy isn't getting up. And it's worse when it's Kampfer, and a hundred times worse when he takes a vicious slash when he's on the ground and entirely defenseless. It's a pair of cowardly acts.

Note: I know this post is ridiculously late, but it's my God-given right as a guy on the internet to shoot my mouth off about anything and everything.

This Is Why You Can't Have Nice Things

It's doubtless that you've heard about the bit of trouble they had up at Cedar Fest in East Lansing over the weekend. Of the 52 arrested, 28 were MSU students, as were half of the 48 ticketed by the officers. We've already heard the usual excuses that it wasn't the students who were really at fault, that mostly it was other people looking for trouble. Still, we feel comfortable in calling this a Michigan State riot. Let's take a look at the board:

We're using the '89 basketball title as the last time a riot broke out at Michigan. We know there was also some sort of disturbance following the '93 loss in the title game, but I don't have any numbers on that (For the record, that would still have us at riot-free days). For Ohio State, there were only 15 arrested following the BCS loss, but 10-12 fires were set, so your mileage may vary on that one. If you want to be more generous, we know they breached the 40-arrest barrier following the '06 UM-OSU game, which would put them days from their last riot.

We do have to give some credit to Little Brother. We don't think we'd take a loss in the Final Four of the Women's NIT quite that hard.

Static numbers from April 9, 2008:

Days Since Last Riot
Michigan:	6946
Ohio State:	93
Michigan State:	4

Anatomy of a Slapfight

WTI: Spoilers for 300

Geoff:	Welcome back, everyone, to another edition of WTI.
Craig:	It feels good to be back... Which, I suppose, could be a larger metaphor.
Geoff:	So the Minnesota game was kind of weird. We went down 10-0 and then rattled off 34 unanswered points.
Craig:	Yes, it was very strange, but in a way, completely expected.
Craig:	Two Michigan games have been absolutely textbook this year: Purdue and Notre Dame. Even if Joe Tiller wrote "Tiller RULEZ" into said textbook with Sharpie late in the game.
Geoff:	No, Joe Tiller's book says "DIABETUS".

Geoff:	Ryan Mallett rained death and destruction on the Gopher secondary, Mario Manningham had a circus catch, Arrington did that thing where he lays out like the second coming of Anthony Carter, and Carlos Brown busted what has to be the longest run from scrimmage Michigan's had in 4 years.
Craig:	Carlos' run was, well, electric. Like the thing at midfield at halftime: We don't know where that came from, and we're not sure what it was doing there, but we made noise for it nevertheless.
Geoff:	That thing was weird. I assumed it was some sort of sound-level thing, but still.
Craig:	But the Minnesota game, while perhaps mildly more dramatic than needed, is another case of the scoreboard lying.
Geoff:	It was full of lies, damn lies, and statistics?
Craig:	Yes. And one of those lies is that anyone can see Milano let alone tackle him. I swear, we can play 12 on the field if he's out there, the back judge will never spot him.
Craig:	Michigan covered, but it gave up 10 points, but it really only gave up three when you look at it.
Geoff:	It was really weird. And the score was even closer throughout much of the game.
Geoff:	Anyway, we had my favorite pregame of the year last Saturday: The Cake! (Which we will have more on later in the week)
Craig:	The Cake was tremendous, and moist, which, while usually a good thing for cake, was not necessarily good for The Cake.
Geoff:	The Cake on FieldTurf >>>>> The Cake on muddy turf.
Geoff:	Note for those of you playing along at home: By the year 2017, the music now known as the blues will exist only in the classical record department of your local public library and our blues band is led by "Scottie B".
Craig:	You know, I can remember when the blues would only be in the local public library by 2006.
Geoff:	Yeah. I was excited to be in the stadium when Carl had to change his script. He bumped it up to 2010 last year.
Craig:	Indeed. He's buying time!
Craig:	But Saturday was all kinds of a crazy double.
Geoff:	Right. You headed over to Yost for that hockey game against BU.
Craig:	Which, in all of my years, I had never done a double, in part because they try to avoid the double.
Geoff:	I've done that before. Definitely after the Iowa game in '04.
Craig:	But let me tell you, Yost was ROCKING on Saturday. Best crowd in years.
Geoff:	I love it when it gets like that. I was there for the BC game a couple years ago, and that was tremendous.
Craig:	Granted, the winning and the post-football buzz and the costumes may have had something to do with it, but it was just fun. And having really gotten my first good long look at this year's team, I find myself...encouraged?
Geoff:	I'm jealous you got to see a band director dance.
Craig:	Well, it's what happens when you hire mercenaries. And he danced with vigor AND gusto.
Geoff:	I feel a lot better now about keeping up the streak of NCAA appearances.
Craig:	As do I. It's a young season, a lot of teams are still finding themselves, a lot of teams will improve, but I also think Michigan, while having room to improve, is already playing like a team. And, by Jove!, they shoot! For the love of criminy, they shoot.
Craig:	Which removes one of my single biggest frustrations of recent years, a team that seemed to be looking for the perfect shot.
Geoff:	I think we need to see more of what Sauer looks like this season, but it's nice to know the cupboard isn't exactly bare on the other end of the ice.
Craig:	Yes, I am worried that Sauer will be live up to his nickname of "Sweet and". But if he keeps playing like this, again, he's doing what he needs to do to make sure that Michigan is in the game.
Craig:	Tough tests loom. Miami, Notre Dame, Michigan State, and Ohio State, no slouches in that bunch, a lot of tough conference games. But I think this team is going to be a lot of fun to watch.
Geoff:	Yeah, the CCHA has some real programs to watch out for.
Craig:	And, a note to the student section: Keep up the good work. Saturday night is great proof that you can be clever, loud and proud without being profane. It was a great balance of clever and classy.
Craig:	Then again, Yip Yip Yip Yip Yip Yip Yip Yip Yip Yip Yip Yip Yip Yip Yip Yip may not be able to be replicated again ever.
Geoff:	That's just taking what the other side gives you.
Craig:	Not since Colgate's Whitecotton or the Dirty Hobbit of Lerg was there such relentless torment of a single opposing player.
Geoff:	I'm so proud that I was part of the first Dirty Hobbit game.
Craig:	And speaking of Dirty Hobbits and what they other side gives us...
Craig:	It's Michigan State week ladies and gentlemen!
Craig:	Like you needed to be informed...
Geoff:	OHMYGODIHATETHOSEGUYS
Craig:	I am sure your Sparty colleagues and co-workers have already been puffing the chest a little bit this week, mentioning the Horror and the Beatdown with glee at every opportunity, and trying to use the word "Ringer" like it's Ni!
Geoff:	I will, by the way, be taking in the game firsthand.
Craig:	Oh, wonderful, meaning that you will have a Big Ten of games this season.
Geoff:	Yep. And this is my first Michigan/MSU road game since...2001.
Craig:	And sadly, the worst part of the issue is that of the last ten games, the home team has won eight of them. Now, granted, one of those was won in unsanctioned overtime...
Geoff:	Kickoff is six years to the *minute* from that travashamockery in 2001.
Craig:	Gentlemen, the clock is ticking and as of now, we are keeping score.
Craig:	(No one delivers a cautionary instruction quite like Michael Ironside)
Geoff:	The Spartans tried to set theirs going, but it got stuck at 00:01.
Craig:	You know, if Michael Hart is rested and ready to go, I'd love to see him decide he's going to win the Heisman this week.
Geoff:	He's been studying film of Chris Perry from 2003, thinking "I can do that."
Craig:	One can only hope. And then someone slipped Donovan Warren the 1997 game film.
Geoff:	Our guys are going to be ready to go, I know it. I just hope that our linebackers are up to the task of taking down Ringer and Caulcrick before they get up to speed.
Craig:	Well, State abandoned the Communist offense and Michigan knows how to defeat straight up facism!
Craig:	"Dantonio, you magnificent bus stop, I read your book!" --Ron English
Geoff:	I don't know what to expect from the offense anymore. But I do know that Michigan State will give up some points. 34 to Iowa?
Craig:	I expect Henne to be on target and focused. I think, maybe secretly, he loved the praise for the effort against Illinois and he wants to hold on to that feeling, and his focus will be at an exceptionally high level. Beating Michigan State four straight, bookending his first victory against the Spartans with another great day would be a wonderful feather for him.
Geoff:	I expect the line to pass-block like he's made of antique porcelain.
Craig:	And if Hart's back, that's one more exceptional pass blocker. I wish someone would put together a Jaworski-like breakdown of Mike Hart's exceptional pass blocking.
Geoff:	I was re-watching the Purdue game last night and he had some terrific ones to keep Henne clean.
Craig:	Also, you know DeBord has some pages in the playbook that are in mint green just for this occasion.
Geoff:	That's his M.O.
Craig:	The reality is, and Michigan fans know this all too well, anything can happen upon the banks of the Red Cedar, games are closer than they should be and when Sparty has made this their Thermopylae, they will likely be well motivated. What the Spartans forget is that all but one of the 300 died at Thermopylae.
Geoff:	SPARTANS! TONIGHT...WE DINE...IN BRODY!
Craig:	Bravery and heroism are wonderful things, but, to go back to another Patton reference. "The Spartans are the enemy. Wade into them. Spill their blood. Shoot them in the belly!"
Geoff:	Ol' Blood and Guts is a fine way to end this one, I think.
Craig:	Agreed. Until another time, my friend. I'm Craig...
Geoff:	And I'm keeping a low profile until I get out of there alive.
Craig:	That's a good plan, Guy Incognito.
Craig:	Or for football's sake, Richie Incognito
Craig:	Game on!
Geoff:	Go Blue!

Drew Stanton Hammers Mute

In Drew Stanton's OMG LOL interview with the Free Press, he is asked what he most dislikes about Michigan:

"Probably the thing I hate most about them is that damn fight song. I'm so sick of hearing that fight song. Every time that fight song comes on, I'll mute my TV. It's one of those things that's just annoying. I can't stand it."

As MAtW points out, he's sick of hearing it so much due to Michigan scoring 186 points on the Spartans in the last 5 years. Let us break it down and figure out how much Drew actually heard the fight song after a score. Every touchdown and field goal is accompanied by a Victors trio:

• 2002: 7 times (49 pts on 7TD)
• 2003: 4 times (27 pts on 4TD)
• 2004: 9 times (45 pts on 5TD + 3FG + 2pt)
• 2005: 6 times (34 pts on 4TD + 2FG)
• 2006: 5 times (31 pts on 4TD + 1FG

That makes 31 times Michigan scored a touchdown or field goal during his tenure. And actually, the band plays the Victors trio twice after a score (once during the PAT), so double the count for every touchdown. That accounts for 55 Victors trios off scoring alone.

Additionally, since it haunts his dreams, he probably heard it during the band's scheduled performances too. That's 6 times per home game:

• In the parking lot during the march over
• Twice during pregame
• Twice while the team comes out of the tunnel
• While marching off the field at halftime.
• At the conclusion of every game

This adds up to 29. Counting postgame shows adds 6 more iterations.

During Drew Stanton's tremendous 0-5 career against the University of Puke, he heard The Victors a bare minimum of 90 times. This bare-minimum estimate does not count playing it after recovering a fumble, nor playing the slightly-extended version to rally the team (which wasn't often necessary), nor "alternative" versions of The Victors like Calyptors, the Hoover Street Rag, or the Victors Waltz. An extremely conservative estimate of three additional performances per game puts that number well into the triple digits.

I made a video in honor of his 2005 failed victory guarantee; Drew Stanton has clearly been a ripe source of material for many years.

It's Sparty Week!

Michigan's first important rivalry game of the season (sorry ND and Illinois) is this weekend in East Lansing, and HSR would like to educate you about Michigan's upcoming opponent.

Michigan Agricultural College was founded in 1855 by the U.S. government to promote the advancement of cow grazing, manure farming, and rioting. Sometime between now and then, the Aggies set up goalposts on a cow pasture, and football was born.

The school fight song was penned to pay homage to their Fighting Farmers of the gridiron. An excerpt went like this, and we are not making this up: "Its specialty is farming, but those farmers play football."

Over the years, the Spartans have found several innovative ways to lose games:

1. General soul-crushing collapse
2. Field goals in overtime
3. Braylon Edwards:
4. DANG COACHING MISTAKES:
5. Asking Drew Stanton to run the option in Hurricane Katrina
6. Six-touchdown blowouts two days before the coach is fired, followed by press conferences where the reporter asks "do you still have control of your team?" And he responds with "I don't know."

Here's hoping we can add more to this list next week. Go Blue!

(HT: Blake T.)