October 20 isn't just a date... it's a state of mind

It's great that Mark Dantonio finally has to stop his childish gambino act.

Circumstances did not allow me to watch Saturday's game on television. The problem with listening to football on the radio is that Tim Brando make every run seem equally exciting. LeVeon Bell pushes his way forward for two yards sounds exactly the same as Fitzgerald Toussaint hits a hole for four yards, which sounds exactly the same at Denard Robinson bounces to the outside for seven yards. I found the best way for me to keep track of Michigan's status was by tracking the coherence of Ace Anbender's tweets.

Is this a Mathlete win probability chart or an Ace Anbender literacy chart?
YOU MAKE THE CALL.

In all the craziness and pain and suffering, I almost forgot that this was a classic Sparty, No! ending, complete with a key Tommy Gholston penalty on Michigan's final drive and the hilarious last-second attempt at a kickoff return. Even so, I think B1G fans are being too hard on the conference these days. If Iowa 12, Michigan 10 can be a classic game in 1985, Michigan 12, MSU 10 can be a classic game in 2012. If SEC fans can extol LSU 9, Alabama 6 as an all-time classic defensive struggle, we can do the same with 12-10. Jake M.F. Ryan. Jordan Kovacs. Never letting LeVeon Bell getting more than eight yards on a carry. Two top-ranked defenses doing their thing, and the game ultimately being decided by two awesome kickers doing their thing. #positweet, posiblog, whatever. Let's have a little conference chestpumping*.

Those defenses forced MSU into what may be the overlooked play of the game, their decision to kick a field goal from 4th and goal from the one. Michigan's was so effective the Dantonio didn't trust Bell to get one yard. MSU's was so effective that a one-point lead looked like it might be insurmountable. But in the end, it all came down to has the ball last, as it so often does.

It may have been painful to watch. After four years, it may be more of a cause for relief than celebration. Either way, let's look back on this day and be happy.

• When your Sparty relative has to shut up for a year, that's October 20th.
• When Mark Dantonio has to give Denard his credit, that's October 20th.
• Whenever half the SEC is under .500, that's October 20th.
• When ohio pulls out a big comeback that will in no way help them go to a bowl game, that's October 20th.
• When your team win 900 games, that's October 20th.
• When Michigan celebrates New Year's Day in Pasadena, that's October 20th.

When you stop celebrating, hyperventilating, or overanalyzing and start preparing for Nebraska, that's October 21st.

*The current eligible B1G division leaders, Michigan and Wisconsin, have four total losses, three to undefeated teams in the Top 10, and one a three-point loss on the road. That's not great, but it's not Big East levels of failure.

Mr. Etiquette's guide to surviving a boring meeting

Dear Mr. Etiquette,
I recently had to travel one and a half hours from home to give a big speech at a big meeting. After giving my talk, I had to listen to a gentleman with intellectual and affiliational deficiencies give an incredibly boring speech. After listening to this half-wit ramble on for a few minutes, I stood up and ordered him to sit down and shut up. Under further review, I feel this may not have been the best course of action. How should I have handled this situation?
Sincerely,
Mike D., East Lansing, Mich.

Gentle listener to the gentle reader who is gently reading this column to you,
Meetings are a fact of life in the business world, and, try as we might, we will never be able to give complete attention to every speaker at every meeting. While ideally a proper businessperson would never "tune out" a speaker, etiquette acknowledges that sometimes our concentration lapses and we have no choice but to do so. In this situation, it is paramount that we let the meeting proceed as though we were giving our undivided attention. Therefore, while we may cope with a dull or uninteresting meeting in many different ways, the best way to deal with such a situation is to be neither obtrusive nor douchey.

Mr. Etiquette has prepared a chart of possible responses to a dull meeting that he hopes you will find useful. As you will no doubt be able to determine from the chart, your response to the situation was indeed less than ideal.

The lower-left icon of this chart is slightly unsatisfactory as it presumes that the individual attempting to cope with a boring meeting is attracted to female brunettes instead of male brunets. Mrs. Etiquette suggests, as a service to my gentle readers who are so inclined, that this column link to these pictures of Kit Harington so that they may modify the chart to their satisfaction.

Bearably yours,
Mr. Etiquette

I wish there was some word to describe the pleasure I feel at viewing misfortune

Who me? It was a clean hit!

I've been waiting over two long years to have events transpire that required me to update this: the new and improved "Sparty, No!" quiz on Sporcle.

P.S. If you don't get the title reference. If Community weren't on NBC, the Sparty of television networks, I wouldn't have to presume many of you won't get the title reference.

Update Dec. 4 6:45 PM: You guys love the schadenfreude:

Posts Full of Links Are Easy

Last chance to enjoy this as the reigning image in the rivalry:

Former Wolverine Mike Van Ryn felt the need to tear down some of the barriers between fans and players last night in Boston.

That's gotta smart. (HT: Awful Announcing)

Michael Rosenberg talks more about Dantonio and in-state recruiting. A reminder from Craig (who took it from an MGoDiary by chitownblue): Of Michigan's 10 career leaders in rushing yards and receiving yards, respectively, only one of each has come from the in-state ranks (Tyrone Wheatley and Braylon).

Yost Built on Niagara and the upcoming tilt at BU, including ways to actually watch the game.

Finally, WHY CAN'T I STOP CLICKING HERE? (HT: EDSBS)

WTI: Sparty Time

Craig:	Good evening and welcome once again to Whatever This Is (Lite Edition). I'm Craig Barker, and I'm not even feeling this week like I should.
Geoff:	It's that feeling that we're the entire Big Ten's punching bag, and that Little Brother will take out eight seasons of frustration on us.
Craig:	Don't you mean six? Oh, right, never mind.

Craig:	I just, it's maddening, we see flashes, glimmers of hope, and they are taken away by the harbinger of doom
Geoff:	Things started out so well for us against Penn State, but the inevitable was always staring us in the face.
Craig:	I steeled myself to not get too excited. And yet, that little bit of hope, it is a dangerous thing. I mean, I had pretty much decided Michigan was going to be destroyed. And then we weren't. So then I wondered how badly it was going to end
Geoff:	When Threet came out, that was it. And even before then, giving up that late score in the first half made life a lot more difficult.
Craig:	Now, I find myself more interested in the Penn State/Ohio State matchup this weekend than the Michigan State/Michigan tilt. I'm still looking forward to going and whatnot, but it just feels like Little Brother will pull it together and get the job done. And that makes me sad.
Geoff:	We could have another moment of "Sparty, no!", but you can't count on that to bail you out forever.
Geoff:	I have to say, Brandon Graham probably should have kept his mouth shut on the upcoming festivities.
Craig:	You know what, though (and I mean this): I didn't mind what Brandon Graham said. It shows me that the team still believes. I took it as being more about Michigan and less about State. Dantonio said himself that it was kind of weak for BB material and I must agree.
Craig:	I don't know, I guess I just like that there still seems to be some fight in this team. Brandon Minor looked good on Saturday. I hope he can keep that up, mix in some McGuffie, see what happens
Geoff:	Dantonio seems a lot more circumspect this year. We don't hear about any countdown clocks or moments of silence. There was that whole thing about having the reporter repeat the names of the crappy teams we've lost to at home since 1990, but that's pretty weak too.
Geoff:	Me too. Minor was running hard and holding onto the football. It was an impressive performance from him. Before, it feels like his big performances usually included a long run distorting his YPC, but this seemed a more consistent one.
Craig:	Agree. The 4th and 1 conversion sold me. That was a literal hard yard.
Craig:	I'm trying too hard not to read the tea leaves, but at some point after Toledo did Rich Rod say "Everyone is benched, you win back your starting jobs starting today!" and that's where we ended up with the line up we did?
Geoff:	I wouldn't be opposed to that strategy. It goes along with the quote in the weight room about reverting to the level of your preparation. You play well in practice, you get time on the field.
Craig:	So, how can we be nice to Nick Sheridan? His safety was not "as bad" as Dan Orlovsky's that week, no?
Geoff:	No, it wasn't. He was actually tackled.
Craig:	And he did nearly get the pass off. To an o-lineman, but still, good situational awareness.
Geoff:	What do you think the offensive and defensive keys will be this weekend?
Craig:	I think on offense, it will be good, time-consuming drives where Michigan can adapt to the game-planning of MSU's defense and change things up. Also, it almost goes without saying, a healthy Stephen Threet.
Geoff:	I'm picking pass protection on offense. Like you said, healthy Threet is necessary, and he has to be able to make it through a full game.
Craig:	On defense, it's building up what worked against Wisconsin, getting good contain on Ringer and making Brian Hoyer beat us, which, admittedly, with our safety play lately, is not exactly a challenge I am thrilled to be offering.
Geoff:	It gives us a better chance to win than if Ringer piles up the yards. And Hoyer being irresponsible with the football could work to our advantage, if our DBs can manage to catch an interception right on the numbers, Charles Stewart.
Craig:	I also think field position will be critical. And remember, we're looking at a rainy Saturday, so you know, even on the field turf, strange things can happen.
Geoff:	I'm curious what this "Trains" show from the MMB will be about. And there's going to be some sort of combined performance with the SMB.
Craig:	I am curious as well. I hope a little "Chattanooga Choo-Choo", a little "City of New Orleans" and ending with some "Meet Virginia"
Geoff:	A little bit of "Oh Streetcar"?
Craig:	Long before the Superdome, where the Saints of Football play...lived a city that the damned called home....hear their hellish rondolette!
Craig:	Why can I remember this and not understand basic microeconomics remains a mystery to me to this day.
Craig:	Well, that's all for this lite edition of WTI. Enjoy the game this weekend, be nice to the Sparties, because...see, I don't even have the joke this week. It's just very sad. Go Blue.
Geoff:	Let's hope we can keep one streak alive this year, and I'm not talking about the OSU one. Go Blue.

This Is Why You Can't Have Nice Things

It's doubtless that you've heard about the bit of trouble they had up at Cedar Fest in East Lansing over the weekend. Of the 52 arrested, 28 were MSU students, as were half of the 48 ticketed by the officers. We've already heard the usual excuses that it wasn't the students who were really at fault, that mostly it was other people looking for trouble. Still, we feel comfortable in calling this a Michigan State riot. Let's take a look at the board:

We're using the '89 basketball title as the last time a riot broke out at Michigan. We know there was also some sort of disturbance following the '93 loss in the title game, but I don't have any numbers on that (For the record, that would still have us at riot-free days). For Ohio State, there were only 15 arrested following the BCS loss, but 10-12 fires were set, so your mileage may vary on that one. If you want to be more generous, we know they breached the 40-arrest barrier following the '06 UM-OSU game, which would put them days from their last riot.

We do have to give some credit to Little Brother. We don't think we'd take a loss in the Final Four of the Women's NIT quite that hard.

Static numbers from April 9, 2008:

Days Since Last Riot
Michigan:	6946
Ohio State:	93
Michigan State:	4