Thursday, August 25, 2011

Settling Accounts

A couple of years ago, back when he was still HSR's correspondent in the Pacific Northwest, Dave wrote up an awesome Sporcle quiz:
Can you name the Universities & Colleges Michigan has played in a football game?

Take ten minutes and play it and come back here when you're done.


And you're back, good.  As you may have noted, Dave included the last year played in the quiz, and the record against the opponent.  It's actually kind of neat to realize that Michigan actually has a winning record against most schools they have played.

Which brings us to 2014.  David Brandon announced today that Michigan will be playing Appalachian State once more, six years and 363 days after well, you know.

This is Mike Hart, doing those things that Mike Hart did, like find the hole behind Jake Long.

I don't need to recap the events of that day, the media will do that for you all throughout August 2014, but after I got past my anger about this, and my anger that we have scheduled another FCS team (well, maybe, the Mountaineers could be FBS by that point, but that's a whole other thing.) has subsided.  Because I realized something.

Nah, there weren't really eighty-eight of them. They just called themselves "The Crazy 88."
Dave Brandon took one look at Beatrix Kiddo (and her awesome Maize uniform) and decided to settle some scores.  So, with this in mind, the list of future opponents to bring Michigan back to .500 against every still extant school in Division I.

Arizona State (0-1, 1987 Rose Bowl)
You know, this was the game that convinced Ohio State to hire John Cooper, do we really need to "avenge" this.  OK, fine, fine, put them on the list.

Army (4-5, last played in 1962)
Michigan needs to go to Michie Stadium, since they are 0-2 on the banks of the Hudson*.  Also, all of the losses are between 1945 and 1954, so I blame Eisenhower. (*-Whoops, both of the losses came at Yankee Stadium.)

Brigham Young (0-1, 1984 Holiday Bowl)
Michigan was 6-5, BYU was approaching an undefeated season and a national championship.  Robbie Bosco and all.  But now, you know, BYU is an independent, and they need people to play.  Perhaps Michigan can place a call to Provo?

Cornell (6-12, last played in 1952)
OK, this is going to take some time.  Can we count hockey games against them?  I mean, we stole their hockey chants, that has to count for something, right?

Mississippi State (0-1, 2011 Gator Bowl)
Avenge me!!!  Viva Starkvegas and all.

North Carolina (1-2, last played in 1979 Gator Bowl)
We should try to get the Tar Heels in soon, you know, while they're still reeling from hanging out with Butch Davis.

Oklahoma (0-1, 1976 Orange Bowl)
Actually, it amazes me more that we've only played the Sooners once ever.  Let's wait until Stoops retires.  They'll never see it coming.

Southern California (4-6, last played in 2007 Rose Bowl)
OK, firstly, we need to get them out of their SoCal comfort zone.  Secondly, we need to get them while Lane Kiffin is still at the helm.

Tennessee (0-1, 2002 Citrus Bowl)
You know Mr. Brandon, Neyland Stadium is one of the few facilities outside the B1G that could host Michigan and not cost Michigan money if you scheduled a home and home.  Get them before Derek Dooley figures it out.

Texas (0-1, 2005 Rose Bowl)
It could be a huge selling point for the Longhorn Network!!!

Toledo (0-1, last played in 2008)
Yeah, if this shows up on the 2014 schedule, I know my thesis has validity.

In the end, we cannot fully avenge every losing record since we're 0-1 against Wesleyan, but there is the list.  Let's get to work.

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