Build-A-HOCKEYBEAR Workshop

I am not a big fan of Build-A-Bear Workshop. Building's just not my thing, you know? Building is the thesis, HOCKEYBEAR is the antithesis, and ruins are the synthesis. It's all about the Hegel. I am rather annoyed that Build-A-Bear does not offer zoologically accurate stuffed bears like Wild Republic does, but as an anthropomorphic bear myself, I can't get too upset about that. I made my peace with them when I discovered that they have USPS as an option for shipping online orders, and thus, unlike many companies, do not charge outrageous fees for shipping to Alaska.

In a world full of Tom Gholstons, Gary Bettmans, fake Grimlocks, and giant ducks, I can't help but feel protective of the tiny humans that are not yet ready to face all the scary things in life. However, even HOCKEYBEAR cannot be in all places at all times, taking care of the tiny humans. So, for the times when I can't be around, I have the next-best solution for the tiny humans: stuffed HOCKEYBEARS of their very own!

Here's a polar bear that came from the Carnegie Museum of Natural History in Pittsburgh. He's hanging out with his penguin buddies and beloved Russian children's character Чебурашка (Cheburashka). A-DORABLE.

Now here he is, transformed into a fearless, destructive, HOCKEYBEAR! He's ending a game of Monopoly the way every game of Monopoly ends, with a flurry of rage and chaos!

You too can make a HOCKEYBEAR for yourself or for your tiny human. We'll show you how, after the jump!

Stand Up for Slovin in Style!

So a certain OHL team from a city named for the British Empire's second-worst general during World War I is suing the Michigan Daily, Matt Slovin, and a Mr. John Doe for reasons that aren't exactly clear. Poor Mr. Doe - he gets sued a lot.

The Kitchener Rangers may not understand the concept of a free press, but hopefully they understand the concept of parody. Here's a logo to help you stand up for the Daily:

Is that the Rangers' font? No, it's Univers, available in fine software packages everywhere. Is that the Rangers' shield? No, it's a modified version of the U.S. Highway shield. Do the Rangers have the rights to shields with diagonals on them? No, the heraldic bend predates the Rangers by centuries.

Print it out, stick it on a T-shirt or button, or do whatever you want with it. Ideally, use it to watermark paper on which you state your intentions to drop your silly lawsuit.

Ohio. Beat. Arts & Crafts.

I'm sure Craig will have a longer game column up for you later today, but for me two words will suffice: Hell. Yeah.

Many of you saw our Denard Robinson periodic table iron-on shirt design, and one of you was kind of enough to take a picture of my chest yesterday at the D.C. alumni bar - I love you, entertaining loud drunk guy! However, some of you are probably thinking, "Those are his 2010 stats. Why would I want to remember 2010?" Well now you can remember 2011 Denard instead with the updated version of the shirt:

Click for 1600 x 1600 version!

To make your Denard T-shirt, follow these instructions:

• Download the mirror image version of the design.
• Purchase an inexpensive T-shirt from a craft store or elsewhere.
• Purchase iron-on printer paper (e.g. Avery 3271) from your local office supply store.
• Print the mirror-image version on the iron-on paper. Follow the instructions that come with the paper to make the T-shirt transfer. Kids, make sure to have parental supervision.

The stats have been updated for 2011 with his slightly less impressive passing and rushing numbers, but with the infinitely more impressive 10-2 replacing his 4.44 fake 40 time.

You may also be saying, "Sure, I love Denard, but what about our seniors? They deserved to beat Ohio this year more than anyone." That is true, and over the next month or two we'll put out periodic table designs for each of them. We'll be starting right now with my beloved D-Linemen:

For the linemen, the numbers on the left are total tackles and TFLs.

All designs freely available under the Creative Commons BY-NC-SA 3.0 license. Please attribute to "The Hoover Street Rag" and link to this post if applicable.

Bye Week Arts & Crafts!

So while I was in the middle of a pointless flame war on MGoBlog this week over proper statistical techniques - oh, the things we flame about at MGoBlog! - someone told me my icon should be turned into an MGoShirt. For reference, here is my icon:

Now, I don't believe that I should make money off of Denard Robinson's athletic exploits if the man himself cannot. So I'm making this design freely available under the Creative Commons BY-NC-SA 3.0 license. Please attribute to "The Hoover Street Rag" and link to this post if applicable.

To make it into a T-shirt, do the following:

• Download the following large, mirror-image version of the picture by clicking below:

• Purchase an inexpensive T-shirt from a craft store or elsewhere.
• Purchase iron-on printer paper (e.g. Avery 3271) from your local office supply store.
• Print the mirror-image version on the iron-on paper. Follow the instructions that come with the paper to make the T-shirt transfer. Kids, make sure to have parental supervision.

Soon you will have an awesome Denard T-shirt you can claim you made yourself! For reference, the numbers in the design are:

• 16 (atomic number): Uniform number.
• 193.00 (atomic weight): Robinson's listed weight.
• +3, +7 (ionization states): probable outcomes of offensive drives led by Mr. Robinson. The +3 is outlined because it's not very stable.
• 2316, 1693 (boiling/melting points): Robinson's regular season passing and rushing yards for the 2010 season.
• 4.44 (electronegativity): His fake 40 time.

Hopefully making a new T-shirt will brighten your mood as much as the Purdue-Illinois game is brightening mine! (i.e. increasing my perception that Michigan can beat both of them.)