Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Three dogs writing press releases on a boat at night

My one-year-old's still figuring out this whole language thing, but she has a couple of sentences figured out. Her first sentence was probably "Go dog go," which she uttered in order to request the book of the same name. Lately, she has been saying "Are you OK?" a lot. These two sentences are apparently enough to make her a qualified medical professional for Michigan football:

NATALIE: Are you OK?
NATALIE (pointing Shane onto the field): Go, dog, go!

A dog at work, possibly concussed from too much jackhammering.
Natalie also refuses to wear a headset and doesn't pay attention to the field. She even knows to raise both arms in the air when someone says "touchdown," but she learned that during the Oklahoma-West Virginia game. So she's more than qualified to be head coach.

Natalie doesn't know her letters yet, so it would definitely take her at least twelve hours to prepare a statement to the press about Michigan's concussion protocol.

Natalie has a stuffed horse we bought at Ikea and named Bo (for reasons that have nothing to do with football). She prefers other toys and doesn't play with Bo much. We should try and get her to play with Bo more because having played with Bo is the primary qualification for being athletic director at Michigan.

Not pictured: Adam Jacobi.
Natalie is, once again, only one year old, so she doesn't understand right from wrong, gets frustrated when she doesn't get everything she wants, and is well-experienced in getting other people to clean up her messes.

The combined salary of a neurologist, PR person, head coach, and athletic director is probably around $6,000,000. Natalie will happily do all those jobs for half that price. We won't let take full market value for the position because she's not allowed to stay up and issue press releases at 12:52 in the morning.

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