Showing posts with label alumni showdown. Show all posts
Showing posts with label alumni showdown. Show all posts

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Life Lessons from a Whiz Kid

This would be the normal spot where the alumni showdown would go for this week, but since I believe I am part of the problem, I've decided to put the feature on hiatus for the time being. But I still have content to provide.

I didn't want to raise comparisons to last weekend's unpleasantness to Vietnam, but since Orson did over at EDSBS, well, the door is open. And that got me to thinking about Robert McNamara. A former Ann Arbor resident, Secretary McNamara is one of the most fascinating men of the 20th century. And while I await the great biography of McNamara that awaits to be written, the detail provided by David Halberstam in The Best and the Brightest and the insights I have gleaned from repeated assigned showings of Errol Morris' The Fog of War have given me some insight into the complex man who served as President of Ford in 1961, Secretary of Defense from 1961-1967 and as President of the World Bank from 1967-1981. In The Fog of War, Errol Morris punctuates the various segments of the film with "Life Lessons" that he gleaned from conversations and discussions with Mr. McNamara in the process of making the film. Those 11 lessons are my jumping off point for today as I attempt to use them to make sense of the state of Michigan football.

The Life Lessons of Robert McNamara, as applied to Michigan Football.

Lesson #1: Empathize with your enemy.

In this sense, Michigan utterly failed last weekend, both as a team and as a fan base. I will not presume to speak for the team, but I will make a few presumptions to speak for the fans: We did not empathize with our opponent, we failed to consider the distinct possibility that Appalachian State was going to come out that Saturday and play to win, especially when they had nothing to lose. We presumed that they were there to collect a paycheck and to get some national exposure. We did not see that talent alone could not win the game. What's worse is that Michigan failed to defend its home soil. The Mountaineers were a team far away from Boone, North Carolina, and yet they never played like they were scared in the least, and if they were scared, they certainly did not show it. We failed to understand that they wanted to win and respect that in them.

Lesson #2: Rationality will not save us.

McNamara was talking in this respect about the potential for a nuclear exchange and the limits of mutually assured destruction as a form of deterrence. In my understanding here, simply breaking down the reasons why Michigan lost last weekend will not save us as fans. We may point to the very valid arguments about why Appalachian State won, every rational argument to be made, and we may point to very valid reasons why Michigan lost, but that is not the point. The point is that college football is a game of reputation, a game based on history, tradition, and heritage. But to rest of those things, to simply presume that by merely showing up, our team, let alone any team, would win is arrogance, and it's the worst kind of arrogance, the kind of arrogance that Michigan fans staunchly defend ourselves against when accused of it. If we serve as cautionary tale for ourselves, let alone any other football team, let alone any other sporting team in the country, then we should be grateful that we have salvaged something positive out of this miserable experience.

Lesson #3: There's something beyond one's self.

The team, the team, the team. We treasure the notions of Bo's words as Michigan fans, but we also see Michigan teams that fail to live up to that maxim. We're fans, we want to support the team, we want to be proud of the team that represents the school that many of us hold dear for whatever reason. We want to believe in something larger than ourselves and being a Michigan fan gives us lease on that notion. It's something we share, something we value, perhaps a little too much, but something that gives us a backdrop against which we can weave the tapestry of the moments of our real lives. But in taking those highs and the glory, we must also take the lows and the pain.

Lesson #4: Maximize efficiency.

I can't disagree with this one, and given Mike Hart's yards per carry, it would seem that he does not either. Let's go down and get points every time we have the ball. Let's chew up the clock. Let's make sure we're not shooting ourselves in the foot with procedure penalties. Let us be an efficient strike force that casts fear into the hearts of our opposition.

Lesson #5: Proportionality should be a guideline in war.

OK, if war is the socially acceptable stand-in for football, we can make this work. There are those who want Michigan to go out and beat teams like Eastern Michigan, and Northwestern, and Notre Dame by eleventy billion, and while that may make us feel a little better, in the end, it's hollow. Wins like that don't tell you anything about your own team, you just want them so you know you have the game locked up and you can rest your starters. Running up the score for the sake of running up the score, it's like inflating the body count numbers in Vietnam: it's flashy for the Five O'Clock Follies (which, if you have ever watched Around the Horn, seems apt), but it doesn't tell the true story of what is happening in the field. If we are in a position to win and win big, let us keep things in perspective.

Lesson #6: Get the data.

Several weeks ago on EDSBS Live, I made my case against pre-season polling, in the sense that we just don't have the data to know what is right or wrong, just presumptions, assumptions, and speculation.

Michigan's glaring flaws on defense, so vividly exposed in the final two games of 2006 were treated as a fixable deviation from the norm by many pollsters, ignoring the loss of significant talent to the NFL at each level of the defense, presuming that the roster would just plug in new guys and hit the ground running. And that's a wonderful compliment from the mainstream media and the coaches (or whomever in the athletic department) who vote in the polls, but it was a guess. They guessed wrong this time, and they adjusted accordingly.

Based on the data, Michigan doesn't deserve to be in the top 25 this week. If the team recovers this week and beats Oregon, well, then they have something they can point to and make the argument. But until such time, based on the small sample size that exists, it's a difficult argument to be made.

Lesson #7: Belief and seeing are both often wrong.

The obvious conclusion to draw here would be that, based on what we saw last week, Michigan is either:

a). Going to fix everything this week in practice, run the table, and send Coach Carr out with a Rose Bowl win.

b). The worst Michigan team in recorded history.

The reality is that neither one is true. Darn it, we should know better. The former is belief, the latter is seeing, granted the worst possible vision, but you know, we're in pain. There are flaws, flaws we had been willing to overlook, or magically presume that they would go away, that have been there for years. The beauty of college football is the chance to believe in perennial rebirth. No one is there for more than five years, save the coaching staff, so it is too often presumed that what was once a problem will magically disappear with the next batch of players, especially when you have such top level talent coming into the program year in and year out. We have a tremendous amount of belief, hell, let's call it what it is, faith, in Michigan football, and yet, we spend every year wondering not if the shoe would drop, but when, save that one glorious year when the lack of shoe dropping was it's own special kind of shoe dropping, the one that made us doubt that the shoe HAD to come, which is even more dangerous than knowing the shoe will drop at some point, because we had been seduced into thinking that maybe it didn't always have to be like this. Think about last year for a moment: Ask yourself how often you waited for it to all go wrong, and yet, when we kept winning, or escaping, we either waited for the shoe to drop the next week, or we forgot about it until we went to Columbus. My point is that we believe the worst will happen virtually every week, and yet we ignore obvious signs to us that we can see that things nearly did go wrong. Somewhere between faith and reason lies the truth.

Lesson #8: Be prepared to reexamine your reasoning.

My friend Mike has made a case to me that there is a tendency in some corners to believe that years of playing NCAA Football/Madden makes a not small percentage of people think they know exactly how to coach football and moreover, exactly how to fix what ails their football team. Of course, I stuck myself in NCAA Football 08 as a 5'11'' 295 pound Michigan fullback with 4.6 40-speed who won the Heisman Trophy his freshman year by breaking the NCAA single season rushing mark, so I know that it's a deception to believe that what works in a video game has any connection to reality. That said, it was none too subtly argued by Orson that Michigan has on its sidelines the best football minds 1983 has to offer. A willingness for the Michigan coaching staff to reevaluate what is working, what is not, and how adjustments can be made, both during the week and during the game, couldn't hurt, could it?

Lesson #9: In order to do good, you may have to engage in evil.

OK, maybe not evil, but is play-action out of the question? Is a trick play that does not involve the words "screen pass" possible? I know, you don't open up the playbook in Week 1, but still.

Lesson #10: Never say never.

If we were truly honest with ourselves, as Michigan fans, we never allowed the possibility that Michigan might lose that game, let alone would lose that game enter our heads. And why should we have at that point, save the fact that you cannot ever say never. We should have allowed at least the possibility it might happen enter our head, if only to perhaps take seriously the threat posed by what losing would mean to us as fans, to Michigan as a program, and to the sporting nation as a whole. But we did not. We cannot change this fact in retrospect. We were wrong, horribly, horribly wrong. But we can learn from it: We can respect any opponent for that which maybe cannot show up on game film. We can take every game seriously and understand that while they may not always have the same meaning in the end, they do matter for that week at least, and a bad win is always better than a hard-fought loss. And we cannot be afraid of what we can do simply because we have always done thing a certain way. We must find a way to blend tradition with innovation, we must evolve or risk becoming truly irrelevant.

Lesson #11: You can’t change human nature.

I think this was the hardest lesson of all to learn this past weekend, knowing that the single biggest emotion to come out of this result was not anger, or loathing, or fear, or anguish or rage on the part of our own fans, but consistently of schadenfreude from fans of not only Big Ten rival teams, but on a national level as well. Watching the sheer joy some took in seeing Michigan fail was stunning to me, though it should not have been. Michigan is a nationally prominent program, steeped in heritage which we as fans love to point to as being the reason we are what we are as a program. So to become the first AP ranked team to fall to an FCS school, a moment of college football infamy, we should have seen that coming. I think I had deluded myself into thinking that Michigan's Scandinavian nature, as I have already laid out in lesson #7, was well and truly understood by fans around the country. That we did not take as much joy out of college football because, much like Michigan seemed to always play games not to lose, we rooted for Michigan not to lose. Not for Michigan to win, for Michigan not to lose. It's not that uncommon a thinking when you actually take a look at the data, but somehow, we had perfected it, or so it seemed. In my mind, this made Michigan different, in the sense that somehow that would lessen the need for schadenfreude. And perhaps in several respects, it did. I know for me, I cannot ignore the dozens of my friends and colleagues who asked me how I was doing, and when they asked me what went wrong, they wanted to know not to rub it in, but because they were curious from the view from my perspective, from a Michigan perspective. Because maybe as the initial shock of the result wore off for all of us, we as Michigan fans began to realize that good can come out of this if we're willing to learn some hard lessons that are staring us in the face, and a nation of fans of other teams began to realize that there, but for the grace of a defense that can slow down a spread option attack, goes my team.

Much like McNamara implies in the film, the goal of the statement of these life lessons is not to break new ground with their profound wisdom, but to get us to consider how what he has learned in his life can be used going forward to impart wisdom to those who lack experience. The situation of this past Saturday can never come again. It was not only a perfect storm of an experienced team, lower division they might be, coming into a game with nothing to lose, and playing their hearts out against a traditional power who failed to take the risks associated with the game seriously, or at the very least, appeared to fail to take them seriously. No one can ever pull this upset off again, its uniqueness lies in its position as the first major upset of its kind. There may be bigger upsets, there may be more shocking results on the scoreboard, but because this was the first of its kind, it cannot be replicated. Let us learn lessons from this so we may never make them again and let us head into this Saturday's matchup with our eyes wide open.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Appalachian State vs. Michigan: Alumni Showdown

We're back for another year's worth of alumni showdowns! Since we got started late in the game last year, we still have plenty of schools to cover and lots of Michigan alumni to which to pay tribute. So without further ado...

The "rule" is basically that we find some major alumni from the opposition university and try to find a Michigan analog, and then face them off head to head. Some are straight-forward, others require more effort. As this is for entertainment purposes only, please, no wagering.

(Author's note: To express our mild displeasure conceptually with the fact that Michigan is opening the football season with an Division I FCS opponent, marking the first time Michigan has ever played a I-AA/FCS team, there will only be three matchups this week as opposed to our usual five.)
Just missing the cut for the Mountaineers:
Miss Teen South Carolina 2007: Lauren Caitlin Upton
We could not, in good conscience, include her as an Appalachian State alumna, because she is going to BE an App. State freshman this year, as we understand it, but we also could not ignore one of the trainwreckiest of trainwrecks that live television have wrought upon us.

"I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, um, some people out there in our nation don't have maps and, uh, I believe that our, uh, education like such as, uh, South Africa and, uh, the Iraq and everywhere like such as, and I believe that they should, uh, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh, should help South Africa and should help Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future."

(In case you're wondering folks, its the country on the left of the map, sandwiched between Canada and Mexico.)

The Matchups
Stephen J. Dubner vs. Rensis Likert
Stephen J. Dubner
Rensis Likert

Stephen J. Dubner is the co-author of the wildly successful pop economics book Freakanomics, which was really good and helped me understand economic principles for the first time in my life. Rensis Likert was a sociologist who founded the University of Michigan's Institute for Social Research and developed Likert Scales, an example of which would be:

Michigan head football coach Lloyd Carr's public persona is that of "crotchety old man":

  1. Strongly disagree
  2. Disagree
  3. Neither agree nor disagree
  4. Agree
  5. Strongly agree
(GZ notes: "An attempt was made to distribute surveys at Schembechler Hall, but poll workers were refused entrance and told to get the hell off of the lawn.")

Advantage:
Michigan. While Freakanomics is a great read, the CIC snob in me really feels that University of Chicago economist Steven Levitt did most of the heavy lifting.  Likert, though I had never heard of him until researching this, came up with something that so many of us use in our everyday life that we likely presumed that it had always existed.  That's how you know you're good, you come up with something that feels organic.
Charles Frazier vs. Betty Smith
Cold Mountain
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
Charles Frazier is the author of the acclaimed 1997 historical novel Cold Mountain, which I do intend to read someday as it purportedly has one of the finest descriptions of the Battle of the Crater anywhere.  Betty Smith is the author of the much beloved A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, the touching 1943 coming of age story based on Smith's real-life experiences growing up in the Williamsburg neighborhood of Brooklyn.

Advantage: Push.  Cold Mountain is considered by many critics to be one of the best works of fiction of the latter quarter of the 20th century, while A Tree Grows in Brooklyn was such an instant hit that it was immediately shipped to U.S. servicemen during World War II.  You know what, they're both good books.

Alvin Gentry vs. Rudy Tomjanovich
Alvin Gentry Rudy T.
Gentry actually has a pretty exceptional basketball resume, having played at App. State under Press Maravich (Pistol Pete's father) and Bobby Cremins, was an assistant coach to Larry Brown at Kansas and with the Spurs, and an assistant under Pat Riley in Miami.  He was also the Pistons coach after Doug Collins (in the horrors of teal era).
Rudy Tomjanovich, in addition to being one of the greatest players in Michigan basketball history, is basketball's most famous recipient of a punch, as well as being a two-time NBA championship winning coach (1994 and 1995 with the Houston Rockets, the team for which he is also the franchise's all-time third leading scorer), a gold medal winning coach at the 2000 Olympics in Sydney.

Advantage: Michigan. Rudy T. is the man.  He's the very rare example of a great player turned great coach, and while Alvin Gentry is an impressive assistant coach, his head coaching record leaves something to be desired.


So there you have it, when it's all said and done, it's Michigan 2, App. State 0, Push 1. I don't care if they're two-time defending national champions, it's still the FCS.

That's all I have for today. Once more, GZ should be around with a real preview, you know, actual football content, sometime soon.
(As always, a thanks to Wikipedia for making this a very fast effort, if not always wholly accurate.)

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

USC vs. Michigan: Rose Bowl Alumni Showdown

Since GZ has his thing down cold, I need mine, so here it is, the alumni showdown for the Rose Bowl. I had intended to do one to prove to the BCS that Michigan was more worthy than USC to be in the national championship game, but USC sort of took care of that for themselves. Because it's the Granddaddy of them All, we're going to expand our usual effort.

The "rule" is basically that we find some major alumni from the opposition university and try to find a Michigan analog, and then face them off head to head. Some are straight-forward, others require more effort. As this is for entertainment purposes only, please, no wagering.

Just missing the cut for the Trojans:
John Ritter
Conflicted here, because he's a USC alum, but on Eight Simple Rules, he played a rabid Michigan football fan (to the point of referring to the Ohio State game as "football Easter", which I kind of liked.)

Anthony Edwards
Gooooooose! Actually, I learned from an episode of Cheap Seats, hosted by Michigan's own Randy and Jason Sklar, that Edwards left USC during his senior year to film Fast Times at Ridgemont High, so he's not technically an alum.

Frank Gehry
"Hey, Frank Gehry. Design curvilinear forms much?"

The Matchups
Neil Armstrong vs. The Crew of Apollo 15
Neil Armstrong
The Crew of Apollo 15

Neil Armstrong, first man on the moon. Or as Jim Lovell says in Apollo 13:"Christopher Columbus, Charles Lindbergh, and Neil Armstrong. Ha, ha, ha. Neil Armstrong!" Meanwhile, most of you know quite well of my abiding affection for the crew of Apollo 15.

Advantage: Push. When you think about it, it's goofy, but the lunar rover is pretty cool. Plus, there were three of them to Neil's one.

Andrew Viterbi vs. Claude Shannon
Andrew Viterbi
Claude Shannon
For our matchup on information theorists, we turn to HSR correspondent Dave...

Claude Shannon: Invented information theory in seminal papers such as "The Mathematical Theory of Communication" (1948).  Defined fundamental concepts like entropy, the information capacity of a channel, and the sampling theorem.  Honored with a statue outside the EECS building at Michigan.

Andrew Viterbi:Made information theory profitable.  His namesake algorithm is an error-correction scheme for noisy communication channels that's the basis for much of modern wireless communication.  He founded Qualcomm and has an estimated worth of $640 million.  Honored by USC who named their engineering school for him.

Advantage: USC.  Shannon's contributions were more intellectually fundamental, but Viterbi's made more money.  What do you think the BCS would consider more important?

George Lucas vs. Lawrence Kasdan
George Lucas Lawrence Kasdan
It's simple. If we were to use the BCS theorem, Lucas would win in a walk. In addition to being the Tournament of Roses Grand Marshall this year, he's directed five major films (Episodes I-IV and American Graffiti) and THX 1138, basically created ILM and the THX sound system, and has basically been responsible for one of the most significant cultural phenomena of the latter half of the 20th Century. Kasdan is responsible for writing one best picture nominee (The Accidental Tourist), one boomer classic (The Big Chill), and the overlong version of the Wyatt Earp story (Wyatt Earp)...but...

Advantage: Michigan. Lucas' writing killed the prequels. If this were 1998, Lucas would win in a walk, but it's clear that the only well-written episode of the six Star Wars films is Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back, written by...Lawrence Kasdan.

Will Ferrell vs. Gilda Radner
Will Ferrell Gilda Radner
Will Ferrell, for many years in the late 1990s, was one of the few, if only reasons, to watch Saturday Night Live. His President Bush impression gave us "strategery", his Harry Caray impression asked if the moon was made of ribs, would you eat it?, his Janet Reno hosted many a memorable dance party, and his Alex Trebek, well, the day was Connery's. Film roles have included Mustafa in Austin Powers (I know it's minor, but it cracks me up every time I see it.), Frank the Tank in Old School, Buddy the Elf in Elf, and Ron Burgundy in Anchorman.

Gilda Radner was one of the original Not Ready for Prime Time Players on SNL. She created, among other characters Roseanne Roseannadanna and Emily Litella, and parodied Barbara Walters in a way that is still used to poke fun today. Tragically, her career was cut short by ovarian cancer, but her fight did significantly raise awareness about the disease and fund raising to fight it.

Advantage: USC. I think this one is both gender biased as generational. But It's close, really close.

(That said, I found this quote while looking for any advantage to give to Ms. Radner, and I kind of liked it, because I think it works on any number of levels:
"Some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity.")
Andrés Cantor vs. Bert Randolph Sugar
GOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bert Sugar
Each has a trademark. For Mr. Cantor, it's simply ¡GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLL!" while for Mr. Sugar, it's the cigar and fedora. Now, I learned neat things about both while looking them up. With Cantor, it's that he has a signature line for halftime" El árbitro dice que no hay tiempo para mas" while for Sugar, it's that Red Auerbach was his great uncle.

Advantage: Michigan. This one is all about my own biases. I love soccer, so Cantor is just an additional bonus, even if I don't speak Spanish. I don't like boxing, but I will listen to Bert Sugar talk about the history of boxing because he's such a good storyteller. Plus, he earned a JD and an MBA at the same time from Michigan, which he claims nearly killed him.
John Wayne vs. James Earl Jones
John Wayne James Earl Jones
Two of the most iconic actors in American pop culture history. On the one hand, you have "The Duke", a former USC running back who pretty much tamed the American West and won World War II single-handedly. On the other hand, you have one of the great voices of American cinema, Darth Vader, Mufasa, CNN, Verizon, Bleeding Gums Murphy...Plus, he's Admiral Greer, which is pretty cool as well.

Advantage
: USC. I'm going to give this one to the guy who has the airport named after him. Though if they want to rename the airport in Ann Arbor after James Earl Jones, I'd be totally be cool with that.
Gen. H. Norman Schwarzkopf vs. Gen. Benjamin D. Pritchard
Stormin' Norman Benjamin Pritchard
Stormin' Norman: The leader of Coalition Forces during Operation: Desert Storm. Benjamin D. Pritchard, the leader of the cavalry regiment which captured Confederate President Jefferson Davis in the days after the close of the Civil War. Yep, finding the former CSA President in drag...100 hour ground war vs. capturing the second most hated man in America, circa April 1865. Pritchard does get extra points for founding America's first savings bank.

Advantage: Push. On the one hand, 100 hour ground war. On the other hand, capturing Jefferson Davis. They're both winners in my book.
Judge Joseph Wapner vs. Justice Frank Murphy
Time for Wapner Frank Murphy
Sadly, Judge Wapner may be America's most famous jurist, but he was never on the Supreme Court, he never served as Mayor of Detroit, he never served as Governor of Michigan, he never served as Governor General of the Philippines, he never served as Attorney General of the United States, never penned a famous dissent, such as Murphy's in the case of Korematsu v. United States.  Then again, Justice Murphy never worked with Rusty the Bailiff .

Advantage: Michigan. If Justice Murphy had Doug Llewelyn doing press for him, we'd be more likely to remember him today.

So there you have it, when it's all said and done, it's Michigan 3, USC 3, Push 2. The game is a pick 'em, so why shouldn't the alumni matchup be as well?

That's all I have for today. Once more, GZ should be around with a real preview, you know, actual football content, sometime soon.
I'll be monitoring the situation from the basement while GZ will be handling things from the Arroyo Seco. (As always, a thanks to Wikipedia for making this a very fast effort, if not always wholly accurate.)

Thursday, November 16, 2006

tOSU vs. Michigan: Alumni Showdown

Since GZ has his thing down cold, I need mine, so here it is, the alumni showdown for this week.

The "rule" is basically that we find some major alumni from the opposition university and try to find a Michigan analog, and then face them off head to head. Some are straight-forward, others require more effort. As this is for entertainment purposes only, please, no wagering.

Just missing the cut for the Buckeyes:
Judith Miller
Attended tOSU, but graduated from Barnard (Columbia's little sister).  Fake anthrax victim in 2001, 2002 Pulitzer Prize winner for Explanatory Reporting as a member of the New York Times staff.  And then things went a little, well, you know.

Bruce Vilanch
...
(Sorry, I had an sort of funny entry that was going to go here but I sent it out to be punched up and it's not back yet.)

Frank Stanton
The longtime President of CBS; he, along with William Paley, is considered the father of television news and was the organizing force behind the first televised Presidential Debate in 1960, when he managed to get Section 315 of the Communications Act of 1934 suspended and put together Vice-President Nixon with Senator Kennedy in the CBS studio in Chicago, which, in part, lead Mayor Daley to get his men out in full force for Senator Kennedy, which may be as simple as campaigning, or as simple as "campaigning."

The Matchups
Arthur M. Schlesinger, Sr vs. Daniel Okrent
Arthur M. Schlesinger, Sr
Daniel Okrent 

It's important not to confuse this historian with his son, but this Schlesinger wrote the epic work The Age of Jackson, which won the 1946 Pulitzer for History and is still considered one of the better documents of that era.  Daniel Okrent was appointed the Public Editor of the New York Times in 2003 and formulated Okrent's Law: ""The pursuit of balance can create imbalance because sometimes something is true."  He was also one of the first two people inducted into the Fantasy Sports Hall of Fame since he sort of invented Rotisserie League Baseball with Glen Waggoner (the other first inductee...)  From there, everything else is gravy.

Advantage: Michigan. I may be a historian by trade, but dude, Okrent invented fantasy baseball!


Roy Lichtenstein
vs.
Dan Glickman
Tavis Smiley The Chrysler Building as photographed by Margaret Bourke-White

Roy Lichtenstein set about to create art as artificial as possible, and created some very interesting works of art.  I'm not a huge fan, but I am not opposed to it either.  Former Secretary of Agriculture Dan Glickman took over for Jack Valenti as the head of the MPAA.

Advantage: tOSU. I know you're trying to protect the copyrighted materials there MPAA, but the "stop movie piracy" ads that you ran in theaters before the movie that I had paid to see really just got to me.  Roy wins.  Let's move on, it's just getting me angry...


Richard Lewis
vs.
The Sklar Brothers
Richard Lewis Randy and Jason Sklar

Richard Lewis is the inventor of the phrase "_______ from hell", and while he did not get into Bartlett's for it, he did get into the new Yale Book of Quotations, which, by the way, I highly recommend, boola boola.

Randy and Jason Sklar, funny standup comedians, hosts of ESPN's Cheap Seats (which, by the way, is ending this weekend, which makes me sad) and all around good guys, even if they are Cardinals fans.  (No, we are NOT bitter.)  I highly recommend the Sklars' CD entitled Poppin the Hood.

Advantage: Michigan. Dude, there's two of them.  And they brought Chopper 4!


Curtis LeMay
vs.
Arleigh Burke
Curtis LeMay Arleigh Burke

Quotation: "My solution to the problem [of North Vietnam] would be to tell them frankly that they've got to draw in their horns and stop their aggression, or we're going to bomb them back into the Stone Age. And we would shove them back into the Stone Age with Air power or Naval power—not with ground forces."
--Curtis LeMay

(LeMay would later state that he was misquoted, in his own book.)

Quotation: "The major deterrent to war is in a man's mind."
--Arleigh Burke

If anyone ever wondered what the Cold War was like, well, there's a start

Advantage: Push.  During a time of heightened international tensions, well, you start thinking in very harsh terms.  There's a lot of good on both sides and far be it from us to claim that one man's service to his country is greater than another man's..


Roy Plunkett
vs.
Clarence "Kelly" Johnson
Teflon Roy Google Guy

Roy Plunkett invented Teflon.  Even if you do nothing else in your life, that's a pretty good life's work.

Kelly Johnson built up Lockheed's Skunk Works and was instrumental in the development of (but not limited to):

Advantage: Michigan. Yes, Teflon's great.  But, come on, this site's founder is an Aerospace Engineering graduate from Michigan, like Mr. Johnson, so this one's easy...


That's all I have for today.  GZ should be around with a real preview, you know, actual football content, sometime soon.
It's getting close.  Very close.  (My thanks to Wikipedia for making this a very fast effort, if not always wholly accurate.)

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Indiana vs. Michigan: Alumni Showdown

Since GZ actually has historical data to work with this week, I am handling the best of five(ish) alumni match-up for the Indiana game.

The "rule" is basically that we find some major alumni from the opposition university and try to find a Michigan analog, and then face them off head to head. Some are straight-forward, others require more effort. As this is for entertainment purposes only, please, no wagering.

Just missing the cut for the Hoosiers:
Joe Buck
(Joe likely would have made it if he didn't come as a package deal with McCarver. We hate McCarver. We also, as The Onion has led us to believe, feel that Joe did indeed join in a "Let's Go Cards" chant during the World Series. No, we are NOT bitter.)

Kevin Kline
(Because I highly approve of Mr. Kline's Academy Award winning work, he's largely listed here to get in one of my favorite lines from a movie ever on the page, granted spoken to him rather than by him: "Let me correct you on a few things; Aristotle was not Belgian! The central message of Buddhism is not 'Every man for himself!' And the London Underground is not a political movement! Those are all mistakes Otto, I looked them up.")

John T. Thompson
(OK, we'll admit it, we had absolutely no one to match him with from Michigan, and moreover, this would have been a cakewalk for the Hoosiers. I mean, come on, he aided in the development of the Springfield M1903 rifle and the M1911 pistol, and was the inventor of the Thompson submachine gun, aka the Trench Broom, the Tommy Gun. I mean, come on!)

Ernie Pyle
(He has some detractors of recent vintage (as do most historical figures), but GZ will point to the fact that he was America's first aviation journalist, and I will point to the fact that with one column, he successfully lobbied for the concept of "fight pay" (for Army troops in a combat zone), a fact reflected in the notion that they dubbed it the "Ernie Pyle bill"

Will Shortz
(Come on, he invented his own degree! How many of us can even claim that? Seriously, you know what you want to do for a living, and then you make up the way to make it work. Enigmaology! That is ingenuity people, oh and he also has a law degree from Virginia.)

The Matchups
Wendell Willkie vs. Thomas Dewey
Wendell Wilkie
Thomas Dewey (1944)  Thomas Dewey (1948)

You know, I understand that FDR looked pretty unbeatable in 1940, even if he was breaking America's long-term two-term precedent.  But as the GOP headed into Philadelphia in 1940, the three leading candidates had weak support and allowed Willkie, a former Democrat without any political experience, to snag the nomination.  If you've ever heard the whole opening of "God Bless America", when Kate sings about "While the storm clouds gather, far across the sea", well, that's pretty much what sunk the Willkie campaign.  We should credit Willkie for his bi-partisan spirit of cooperation with FDR throughout the early stages of America's involvement in World War II.


Thomas Dewey, former gangbuster prosecutor, a governor of New York, and the so-called "little man on the wedding cake".  Namesake of the award for the finest prosecutor in each of the five boroughs of New York.  Speaker of the obvious platitude during the 1948 campaign, and victim of one of the greatest comebacks in American political history.

Advantage: Michigan. At least Dewey has an infamous pop culture moment in the sun, no matter how fleeting the victory.


Tavis Smiley
vs.
Margaret Bourke-White
Tavis Smiley The Chrysler Building as photographed by Margaret Bourke-White

Margaret Bourke-White was the first Western photograph allowed into the Soviet Union.  She was the first female photojournalist hired by Henry Luce for Time and Life and the first female photojournalist allowed into a combat zone.  Tavis Smiley has done a great deal of reporting himself, first with BET Tonight, then with NPR, and now with PBS.  He is also the youngest African-American to have a professional school and center named after him on a college or university campus when the The Tavis Smiley School of Communications and The Tavis Smiley Center for Professional Media Studies opened at Texas Southern.

Advantage: Indiana. Bourke-White college hopped a lot, and though the photograph shown above is pretty damn cool, I like Tavis.  He does a very good job of reporting hard news and is an underrated interviewer. 


Mark Cuban
vs.
William Davidson
Mark Cuban Mr. D

Mark Cuban.  Internet Billionaire, in part, as he admits, because he knows exactly when to get out.  Took the billions of dollars he made from selling Broadcast.com to Yahoo! (a company he co-developed, in part, to allow him to listen to Indiana basketball games in Dallas) and bought his own NBA franchise, the Dallas Mavericks.  Turned the Mavericks from perennial laughingstock into perennial contender.  Also managed to rack up  $1,665,000 in fines from the NBA, in large part because he speaks his mind (or because he's completely crazy...we leave it to the reader to decide).  For all of the sound and fury, has zero NBA titles to his credit.  


William Davidson, "Mr. D",the chairman of Guardian Industries Corp., one of the world's largest manufacturers of architectural and automotive glass.  Owner of the Detroit Pistons, the Tampa Bay Lightning, oh and financed the building of the Palace of Auburn Hills, one of America's finest arenas.  Has three NBA titles, two WNBA titles, and a Stanley Cup.  Oh, and still rocks the Members Only jacket (see above).

Advantage: Michigan. It's very close.  I like Mark Cuban, in part because he is basically what happened if a fan had a billion dollars and bought the team he loved, BUT didn't run the team like a fantasy team.  That said, Mr. D has three NBA titles and once apparently smacked down Mark Cuban at an NBA owner's meeting.  He's like your grandfather, but feisty.


Jim Jones
vs.
Theodore Kaczynski
The Rev. Jim Jones Have you seen this man?

The man that gave pop culture the phrase "drinking the Kool Aid" (thought it should be noted it was the cheaper, inferior Flavor Aid) and successfully lobbied for suicide prevention barriers to be installed on the Golden Gate Bridge (oh, the irony) vs. a man better known by his FBI title and his manifesto.

Advantage: Push.  There are no winners here.


Jimbo Wales
vs.
Larry Page
Wiki Dude Google Guy

OK, technically speaking, Mr. Wales did not earn his Ph.D. from Indiana, he took finance classes but did not complete his dissertation.  I can't be completely sure that's accurate though, as I have taken several of these facts from Wikipedia.  Mr. Page earned his BS from Michigan in Engineering and went on to Stanford, where he would meet Sergey Brin and give birth to a search engine so ubiquitous in its ability to search, that M-W and OED are considering making the word an entry.

Advantage: Michigan. Far be it from me to diss the wonderful computer scientists that inhabit North Campus.  Though Wikipedia is probably my second favorite site on the net, Google is my favorite, and that can't be ignored.


That's all I have for today.  GZ should be around with a real preview, you know, actual football content, sometime soon.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Boom Goes The Preview: Ball State

The Series: 0-0

This will be first meeting between these two programs, so there aren't even any record books to throw out. This just ruins my Fun With Historical Statistics segment (Shut up! Statistics can be fun!). Instead, our qualified scienticians have compared celebrity alumni in an attempt to discern the outcome of the game.

Joyce DeWitt vs. Ann B. Davis
Joyce DeWitt Ann B. Davis

Joyce DeWitt made a name for herself as Janet on Three's Company, but playing Not The Hot One, But That Other Chick quickly wore thin for her as Suzanne Somers was getting all the attention. She later turned her experience into a ridiculous TV movie which missed capitalizing on John Ritter's death by about six months, but made for a hilarious TWoP recap. Ann B. Davis played the slightly sassy live-in housekeeper Alice on The Brady Bunch, making dinner and doling out wisdom.

Advantage: Michigan. Wise and no-nonsense, Alice could also keep a man, as shown by her romance with Sam the Butcher. Clear evidence of her superiority is the fact that she has a pop culture tournament named after her.


John Schnatter
vs.
Tom Monaghan
Papa John Tom Monaghan

John Schnatter founded Papa John's out of his dad's bar and has grown it to a 3,000-store chain. Tom Monaghan took an Ypsilanti pizza joint from one store to now over 8,000 in 55 countries. Of course, he's had a little longer time to work with it. In 1983, he bought the Detroit Tigers. In 1984, they won the World Series. Since then, he's sold the Tigers and his share in Domino's, and has taken up conservative philanthropy. He's founded the Ave Maria School of Law in Ann Arbor and is now building the town of Ave Maria, Florida as a conservative Catholic city that will house the full Ave Maria University.

Advantage: Michigan. Monaghan's strict, orthodox Catholicism motivates a sort of philanthropy and worldview that, frankly, freaks me out. However, he turned $575 and an old Beetle into an enormous corporate empire, not to mention giving Detroit what remains its most recent World Series victory.


Jim Davis
vs.
Cathy Guisewite
Garfield Cathy

Jim Davis, a native of Muskegon, started Garfield in 1978 and the fat cat now runs in 2,500 newspapers. During my prime cartoon-watching years, Garfield & Friends was always on, so it's the animated show that I remember most, rather than the comic strip. Cathy first appeared in 1976, runs in about 1,400 papers, and has no nose. Ack.

Advantage: Michigan. If you'd asked us just a couple years ago, it would've gone Ball State's way. Somehow, the omnipresent merchandise, the farmed-out strip, and the "humor" weren't enough to put us off the tabby, but the two freakish CGI movies were. Don't get us wrong: Cathy is really annoying. But we're at Lesser of Two Evils here.


David Letterman
vs.
Ann Coulter
Will It Float? Godless

David Letterman started out as a weatherman in Indianapolis, became a comedian in Los Angeles, got some help from Johnny Carson, and became the best late-night talk-show host on the air. He also got really mad once when a paper described him as a "non-voting Republican" (it was the non-voting part that ticked him off). Ann Coulter is a right-wing author/talking head and a self-described "polemicist". She got her start in the national eye with appearances on MSNBC, parlaying that into a slew of New York Times best-sellers, such as Godless, Slander, and Treason. Allegations have surfaced that she might have recently voted in the wrong precinct where she lives (in Florida!), which would be a felony.

Advantage: Ball State. Is it too obvious that we stacked the deck here? Ann Coulter is a shrill, right-wing harpy. If she actually believes even half of what she says, God help us all. She adds nothing to the national discourse and is, in fact, rather boring, since her points are so easy to dismiss. Letterman is way better than Leno and his only real rival in the late-night arena is Conan O'Brien. "Will It Float?" is America's favorite game show, and we have a weakness for game shows.


Brian Collins
vs.
Rich Eisen
Boom goes the dynamite ESPN anchor

Brian Collins was filling in on a Ball State sports broadcast one day. It was terrible, it was awful, and his catchprase "Boom goes the dynamite!" would make him an internet celebrity. Rich Eisen worked his way up to become an ESPN SportsCenter anchor opposite Stuart Scott before leaving to host NFL Total Access on the NFL Network and doing US Open tennis coverage for CBS.

Advantage: Michigan. Internet celebrity is so fleeting. And while you can only go to the well so often with VH1's I Love the --'s, Eisen came out of it looking pretty good. Plus he spent a significant amount of time at the same desk without trying to kill Stuart Scott, which says a lot about his self-control.

Scientifically-Predicted Outcome: Michigan 28 – 7 Ball State.

Actual Football Content

Ball State is currently 3-6 overall and 3-3 in MAC play, with wins over Eastern Michigan, Buffalo, and Miami of Ohio. The only common opponent between the programs is Central Michigan, who defeated them 18-7 in a slightly wacky game. Yes, Brian Kelley games are always slightly wacky, I know the rule. After the first touchdown of the game, CMU tried a trick play on the PAT where the kicker tried to run for the two-point conversion. This failed. After their next TD, CMU again tried a two-point conversion and failed. Then, after their third TD, the kicker missed the PAT. Thus, 3 TDs --> 18 points.

On offense, Ball State managed only 56 yards on the ground. CMU also made a goal-line stand to stuff them on 4th and 1. This suggests Michigan shouldn't have to really worry about keeping their rushing stats down. In the air, the Fightin' Football Cardinals managed 160 yards, but they were fighting a 20-25 mph wind in 45° weather. In all their other games, they've put up at least 20 points. They hung 27 on Western Michigan (of Garrett Wolfe-stopping fame), so this suggests the passing game is where they make their living, and the stats bear this out. They're only getting about 2.9 ypc/86.1 ypg from various running backs, but 264.7 ypg (8.6 ypa/13.0 ypc) through the air. They kept Central's beast-man Dan Bazuin to only one sack, so their offensive line must have at least some talent in pass protection. And even if Michigan knocks another quarterback out of the game, Ball State has been using two of them all season. Joey Lynch was the starter for five games, Nate Davis for four, and both have played in every game with nearly identical stats, so I don't know what's going on there.

The defense is giving up some points. Northern Illinois took them for 40, so they have some rush defense issues. Purdue got them for 38, so they have some pass defense issues. Really, they're a mid-to-lower MAC defense all around. They're giving up an average of 4.7 ypc/160.7 ypg rushing and a gaudy 289.6 ypg passing (8.5 ypa/13.0 ypc). This all leads to the average opponent putting up 28 ppg on them.

Michigan should handle this team pretty well, at least as well as Northwestern last week. The forecast is calling for mostly cloudy skies and temperatures in the forties, but it's supposed to at least stay dry, which should improve the offensive performance. Ball State's running game will be shut down and we'll get good enough play from our secondary to keep them from threatening. If we can get up early, Lloyd will let up off the gas pedal on offense so as not to embarrass former Michigan coordinator Brady Hoke. It'll be Senior Day and Lloyd will want to rotate as many guys as possible into the lineup. Carl Tabb sightings may be numerous. I really wouldn't have a problem if Jerome Jackson was our leading running back on the day. Jeff Kastl could get some snaps under center. The score might end up 28-10, with the touchdown coming in garbage time, or it could be 41-3 if we decide to play the whole game.