Thursday, November 16, 2006

tOSU vs. Michigan: Alumni Showdown

Since GZ has his thing down cold, I need mine, so here it is, the alumni showdown for this week.

The "rule" is basically that we find some major alumni from the opposition university and try to find a Michigan analog, and then face them off head to head. Some are straight-forward, others require more effort. As this is for entertainment purposes only, please, no wagering.

Just missing the cut for the Buckeyes:
Judith Miller
Attended tOSU, but graduated from Barnard (Columbia's little sister).  Fake anthrax victim in 2001, 2002 Pulitzer Prize winner for Explanatory Reporting as a member of the New York Times staff.  And then things went a little, well, you know.

Bruce Vilanch
(Sorry, I had an sort of funny entry that was going to go here but I sent it out to be punched up and it's not back yet.)

Frank Stanton
The longtime President of CBS; he, along with William Paley, is considered the father of television news and was the organizing force behind the first televised Presidential Debate in 1960, when he managed to get Section 315 of the Communications Act of 1934 suspended and put together Vice-President Nixon with Senator Kennedy in the CBS studio in Chicago, which, in part, lead Mayor Daley to get his men out in full force for Senator Kennedy, which may be as simple as campaigning, or as simple as "campaigning."

The Matchups
Arthur M. Schlesinger, Sr vs. Daniel Okrent
Arthur M. Schlesinger, Sr
Daniel Okrent 

It's important not to confuse this historian with his son, but this Schlesinger wrote the epic work The Age of Jackson, which won the 1946 Pulitzer for History and is still considered one of the better documents of that era.  Daniel Okrent was appointed the Public Editor of the New York Times in 2003 and formulated Okrent's Law: ""The pursuit of balance can create imbalance because sometimes something is true."  He was also one of the first two people inducted into the Fantasy Sports Hall of Fame since he sort of invented Rotisserie League Baseball with Glen Waggoner (the other first inductee...)  From there, everything else is gravy.

Advantage: Michigan. I may be a historian by trade, but dude, Okrent invented fantasy baseball!

Roy Lichtenstein
Dan Glickman
Tavis Smiley The Chrysler Building as photographed by Margaret Bourke-White

Roy Lichtenstein set about to create art as artificial as possible, and created some very interesting works of art.  I'm not a huge fan, but I am not opposed to it either.  Former Secretary of Agriculture Dan Glickman took over for Jack Valenti as the head of the MPAA.

Advantage: tOSU. I know you're trying to protect the copyrighted materials there MPAA, but the "stop movie piracy" ads that you ran in theaters before the movie that I had paid to see really just got to me.  Roy wins.  Let's move on, it's just getting me angry...

Richard Lewis
The Sklar Brothers
Richard Lewis Randy and Jason Sklar

Richard Lewis is the inventor of the phrase "_______ from hell", and while he did not get into Bartlett's for it, he did get into the new Yale Book of Quotations, which, by the way, I highly recommend, boola boola.

Randy and Jason Sklar, funny standup comedians, hosts of ESPN's Cheap Seats (which, by the way, is ending this weekend, which makes me sad) and all around good guys, even if they are Cardinals fans.  (No, we are NOT bitter.)  I highly recommend the Sklars' CD entitled Poppin the Hood.

Advantage: Michigan. Dude, there's two of them.  And they brought Chopper 4!

Curtis LeMay
Arleigh Burke
Curtis LeMay Arleigh Burke

Quotation: "My solution to the problem [of North Vietnam] would be to tell them frankly that they've got to draw in their horns and stop their aggression, or we're going to bomb them back into the Stone Age. And we would shove them back into the Stone Age with Air power or Naval power—not with ground forces."
--Curtis LeMay

(LeMay would later state that he was misquoted, in his own book.)

Quotation: "The major deterrent to war is in a man's mind."
--Arleigh Burke

If anyone ever wondered what the Cold War was like, well, there's a start

Advantage: Push.  During a time of heightened international tensions, well, you start thinking in very harsh terms.  There's a lot of good on both sides and far be it from us to claim that one man's service to his country is greater than another man's..

Roy Plunkett
Clarence "Kelly" Johnson
Teflon Roy Google Guy

Roy Plunkett invented Teflon.  Even if you do nothing else in your life, that's a pretty good life's work.

Kelly Johnson built up Lockheed's Skunk Works and was instrumental in the development of (but not limited to):

Advantage: Michigan. Yes, Teflon's great.  But, come on, this site's founder is an Aerospace Engineering graduate from Michigan, like Mr. Johnson, so this one's easy...

That's all I have for today.  GZ should be around with a real preview, you know, actual football content, sometime soon.
It's getting close.  Very close.  (My thanks to Wikipedia for making this a very fast effort, if not always wholly accurate.)


Anonymous said...

Why didn't you use Gerald Ford? Oh yeah, cause no OSU grad has ever been nearly that important.

Anonymous said...

Most representative matchup: Tom Brady vs. Maurice Clarett.

Craig Barker said...

Couple of things I should mention:
1). I have to save some alumni for future matchups (I genuinely don't want to reuse alums if at all possible).
2). I'm trying to avoid sporting matchups, unless each person is better known for their post-university sports career.

I did briefly consider Jack Nicklaus v. Gerald Ford, but that didn't seem right.

Anonymous said...

im a michigan fan but come on, the sklar brothers over richard lewis? that is absurd.

Tom said...

Good call on Kelly Johnson. Not only is he the greatest Aerospace engineer ever, I think that he has to be a finalist for the greatest engineer/inventor period. Of course being a fellow Michigan Aero, I'm just a bit biased. I'm not sure you could find a single alum from either University (save perhaps Gerald Ford) who meant more to his country.

Man I can't wait for Saturday.

Anonymous said...

i'm no advocate of richard lewis, but the sklar brothers should be shot and killed. twice. comedians who rely on finishing each others' sentences as their gag...on the dregs of espn's programming. jesus.

AlexG said...

No way to work in famous Michigan grads Mike Wallace, James Earl Jones, Arthur Miller, and most conspicuously absent, Ann B. Davis.

PATTPASS said...

Jeffery Dalmer (OSU for one yr) had more funny bones then the Sklar brothers(Pun intended or not). GO Buckeyes.

Geoff said...

alexg - We already used Ann B. Davis earlier, in our Ball State alumni battle.

Q1Go said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

I would have matched up Jeff Dahmer and Teddy Kaczynski

Anonymous said...

A push between Curtis LeMay and Arleigh "31-knot" Burke??? Does LeMy have a class of aircraft named after him? ADM Burke was a true leader, hero, and one of the greatest Naval Officers of the 20th Century. NOT EVEN CLOSE!

Elvis the Pelvis said...

Ann B Davis would have whupped the Teflon guy ten times over.