The Web of Fear

I switched over to "The Day of the Doctor" at 2:50. YOU SHOULD HAVE TOO AND I DON'T CARE HOW BIG OF A NOT-NERD YOU ARE. The Borges-O-Meter is back to -10.

In spoiler-preventing white text after the jump, some things that happened in "The Day of the Doctor" that could be used to explain the offensive performance. Highlight to see.

• We are remembering an alternate timeline in which Al Borges destroyed the Michigan offense but, in actuality, he saved it from the Daleks.
• Al Borges can devise a successful gameplan, but he requires 400 years to do the necessary calculations.
• The offensive staff has been replaced with alien replicants.
• Devin Gardner lacks a big red button that, when pushed, unleashes his universe-destroying capabilities.
• In order to rescue the offense, all of Michigan's offensive co-ordinators for the past 50 years (as well as the next OC) are required.
• Darrell Funk has been distracted by his accidental marriage to Queen Elizabeth I.

If only we had memory-wiping devices like those in the Black Archive.