More Bye Week Follies: Pro Football 1861

There's no kind of post I enjoy writing more than a post that confuses the hell out of Brian Cook. Since dipping for the Adventure Time well worked out last time, here's a review for their fine football video game, Pro Football 1861.

Pro Football 1861 is available in the free version of the Beemo app. B-MO is a character who is essentially a walking, talking, GameBoy. The paid version of the app also include Kompy's Kastle and the delightful Conversation Parade. You also get some ringtones and wallpaper and other stuff kids might like.

Pro Football 1861 features two dueling Abe Lincolns, one controlled by the human (or other sentient creature), and the other by Beemo. CPU Abe throws passes at human Abe, and human Abe moves to kick the passes back over CPU Abe's head.

Each time you successfully kick the football over CPU Abe's head, you earn 33 points. If you need help understanding Al Borges's disapproval of bubble screens, imagine that each pass that CPU Abe throws is a bubble screen and that, if a player on the opposing team kicks it back over Devin Gardner's head, then his team earns 33 points. Under such rules, using bubble screens would indeed by absolute folly.

I'm losing 99-0 because I stopped to take the screenshot.

First one to 999 points wins. You can see why college football has never adopted this rule, as no Michigan State game would ever end.

But I came back to win because I wanted the "YOU WIN" screenshot.

1861 was actually a low point in the history of college football, as Harvard followed Yale's lead and banned all football-type games as overly violent. There was also a war going on which college administrators hopefully thought was of greater importance. However, it would be fun to see an actual football game based on actual reconstructions of various 19th-century rules. Imagine being able to control Team 1 as they battled mighty Racine College!

Pro Football 1861 gets three stars out of four, as it will keep you occupied for 5 to 10 minutes if you need to keep yourself occupied for 5 to 10 minutes. However, it is still a joke game from a cartoon for kids and not an authentic football simulation game; those seeking the latter should consider the Madden series of games, which I understand is quite popular.

Bye Week Follies: The Magical Jake Butt

Yes I'm a tight end. Yes my last name is butt. Hhahaha
— jake butt (@JBooty_88) September 22, 2013

By this point in the season, we're all aware that Michigan has a tight end with the last name of Butt and that this fact can be used to make many easy jokes and will most assuredly lead to many amusing "unintentional" double entendres from the broadcast booth over the next four season. But this post is about the added level of merriment brought about by the fact that he's Jake Butt.

Fans of the late lamented Bender Bending Rodriguez should be pleased that John DiMaggio continues to do voice work on a show set 1000 years in the future in The Cartoon Network's Adventure Time. As Jake the Dog, he voices a character with magical shape-shifting properties. This of course means that his butt also his magical shape-shifting properties and is capable of amazing things. Behind the jump, the mystical powers of Jake Butt.

Bye Week Arts & Crafts!

So while I was in the middle of a pointless flame war on MGoBlog this week over proper statistical techniques - oh, the things we flame about at MGoBlog! - someone told me my icon should be turned into an MGoShirt. For reference, here is my icon:

Now, I don't believe that I should make money off of Denard Robinson's athletic exploits if the man himself cannot. So I'm making this design freely available under the Creative Commons BY-NC-SA 3.0 license. Please attribute to "The Hoover Street Rag" and link to this post if applicable.

To make it into a T-shirt, do the following:

• Download the following large, mirror-image version of the picture by clicking below:

• Purchase an inexpensive T-shirt from a craft store or elsewhere.
• Purchase iron-on printer paper (e.g. Avery 3271) from your local office supply store.
• Print the mirror-image version on the iron-on paper. Follow the instructions that come with the paper to make the T-shirt transfer. Kids, make sure to have parental supervision.

Soon you will have an awesome Denard T-shirt you can claim you made yourself! For reference, the numbers in the design are:

• 16 (atomic number): Uniform number.
• 193.00 (atomic weight): Robinson's listed weight.
• +3, +7 (ionization states): probable outcomes of offensive drives led by Mr. Robinson. The +3 is outlined because it's not very stable.
• 2316, 1693 (boiling/melting points): Robinson's regular season passing and rushing yards for the 2010 season.
• 4.44 (electronegativity): His fake 40 time.

Hopefully making a new T-shirt will brighten your mood as much as the Purdue-Illinois game is brightening mine! (i.e. increasing my perception that Michigan can beat both of them.)