Anyway, the day of reckoning you've feared since the CCHA schedule was released is at hand! The mighty HOCKEYBEAR, leading my indomitable team of Alaska Nanooks, is heading to Yost Ice Arena for the ultimate conference showdown. And I'm going to be making a few changes when I get there.
Before getting into those changes, I must tell you an AMAZING HOCKEYBEAR FACT! Did you know I can change my size at will? It's true! You can see it my famous intro videos. Here, I'm large enough to dwarf an icebreaker:
But one cut later, I'm small enough to fit in an F-16 cockpit. A little bit later, I'm back to normal space polar bear size, skating comfortably on the Carlson Center ice:
If necessary, HOCKEYBEAR can also shrink in size as well. You may think that, in this still from my 2011-12 season video, I'm standing on a giant hockey puck:
That's not true. I miniaturized myself and was standing on top of a regulation three-inch diameter puck. Saved UAF thousands in set construction.
My ability to change size extends to objects I'm touching when I expand or contract. Because you scUM have been so respectful to HOCKEYBEAR over the past several years, I will use my powers less to destroy your athletic campus and more to renovate it. Don't worry, destruction fans: there will be lots of collateral damage.
