Three dogs writing press releases on a boat at night

My one-year-old's still figuring out this whole language thing, but she has a couple of sentences figured out. Her first sentence was probably "Go dog go," which she uttered in order to request the book of the same name. Lately, she has been saying "Are you OK?" a lot. These two sentences are apparently enough to make her a qualified medical professional for Michigan football:

NATALIE: Are you OK?
SHANE MORRIS: I'm fine.
NATALIE (pointing Shane onto the field): Go, dog, go!

A dog at work, possibly concussed from too much jackhammering.

Natalie also refuses to wear a headset and doesn't pay attention to the field. She even knows to raise both arms in the air when someone says "touchdown," but she learned that during the Oklahoma-West Virginia game. So she's more than qualified to be head coach.

Natalie doesn't know her letters yet, so it would definitely take her at least twelve hours to prepare a statement to the press about Michigan's concussion protocol.

Natalie has a stuffed horse we bought at Ikea and named Bo (for reasons that have nothing to do with football). She prefers other toys and doesn't play with Bo much. We should try and get her to play with Bo more because having played with Bo is the primary qualification for being athletic director at Michigan.

Not pictured: Adam Jacobi.

Natalie is, once again, only one year old, so she doesn't understand right from wrong, gets frustrated when she doesn't get everything she wants, and is well-experienced in getting other people to clean up her messes.

The combined salary of a neurologist, PR person, head coach, and athletic director is probably around $6,000,000. Natalie will happily do all those jobs for half that price. We won't let take full market value for the position because she's not allowed to stay up and issue press releases at 12:52 in the morning.

Seal Block Week 13: As bad as the Detroit Lions Thanksgiving halftime show

If you haven't already done so, be sure to vote for The Top 25 university seals! We will announce the results a week from Wednesday. In the meantime, we take you on a grand tour of the dregs of academia as we celebrate the Worst Seals in the World!!

Imagine, if you will, a universe in which the Stanford Tree goes off and establishes its own college. You don't have to imagine very hard, because the resulting college would be roughly the same as Evergreen State College, the winner for worst overall seal. Its motto is omnia extares, or "let it all hang out." I believe the concept behind this seal is that the drawing is supposed to represent a childlike sense of discovery and wonder. However, it more accurately represents a childlike inability to draw and/or use an Etch-A-Sketch. I think the student body at ESC is quite content with their seal, but they could do much better by commissioning their most famous alumnus, Matt Groening, to draw a new one. If they want a drawing done without lifting the pen, they could go with this one.