Hoover Street Rag's Top 25 Or So: But We're Using Our Whole Ass

It’s time for a new installment of Hoover Street Rag’s college football rankings. As always, the teams are ranked according to the logic and values of Tom Scocca's weekly Deadspin column, no matter how bizarre or contradictory they may be. We’re making this quick, after a brief pause to wonder how Scocca's writing could decline so quickly after he left Slate.

1. Alaska (0-0)

Undefeated in football, as they are every year.

2. Indiana (3-5)

Some people consider the most horrifying thing about the Big Ten this year is the fact that Indiana still controls its own destiny for a trip to the Rose Bowl. Those people forget the more horrifying thing that makes this possible.

3. McMaster (8-0)

As the highest-ranked team in Canadian Interuniversity Sport football, McMaster is in the driver's seat to win college football's only truly legitimate national championship, provided they can pass through four rounds of playoffs. Canada: it's like a whole other country up there.

4. North Dakota State (7-1)

Similarly, NDSU is back in the driver's seat to defend their national championship, as a loss by Eastern Washington and a 3OT squeaker by Georgia Southern jumped them back to #1 in The Sports Network FCS poll.

5. OHIO! (8-1)

They may not control their own destiny in the MAC East, but they produced a legendary GIF on Thursday, and, in the long run, that's far more important.

6. David Roher

Proved it's still possible to write a decent article on Deadspin. Come back, Katie!

7. [vacant]

The state of mind I tried to reach before writing this post.