Tumblin' Dice

Roman Wilson is as consistent as the beat of an 808 drum machine. (Patrick Barron)

Honey, got no money
I'm all sixes and sevens and nines
Say now baby, I'm the rank outsider
You can be my partner in crime

--"Tumblin' Dice" by the Rolling Stones, from their 1972 album Exile on Main Street

I am too young to remember when it happened on initially, but during the 1970s, long-tenured Detroit sports curmudgeon Joe Falls would lambast Michigan for playing "dull and boring football," which somehow the Athletic Department turned into a selling point for Falls' book on Michigan's relatively new coach. I would argue that there's nothing wrong with dull and boring football because rarely could a dull and boring team be bad.  They could be middling, but they're likely very, very, very good, and that ruthless efficiency feels "dull and boring."

The inequalities of college football scheduling, for much of the post-World War II era, and certainly during the post-NCAA v. OU television-saturated era, much of September has featured P5 teams facing G5 teams, G5 teams facing FCS teams, and FCS teams against D-II teams, and so on. Occasionally, you will get headline-grabbing "helmet games" or some early season conference games, but by and large, yesterday's slate had about one marquee matchup, a few P5-P5 games, and a lot of other games.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with "other" games. If you only get six to eight Saturdays in your home stadium as a season ticket holder, you relish those opportunities (or sell them off to other people who may want to just get one game in the stadium), and you appreciate that you get to see this iteration of the team play.

So in a game where ESPN's win probability chart had the Rebels' best chance at victory the moment that Tommy Donan kicked the ball off, you become invested in side stories, like "Man, JJ's hot hand passing is continuing, and maybe improving somehow (the second TD pass to Roman Wilson would be a solid evidence for that point.) or the defensive line finally breaking through and getting severe pressure on the QB which resulted in five sacks, and five additional tackles for loss. And as weird as the circumstances were, it was pretty cool to realize that Mike Hart became Michigan's first Black head coach, even if just for a half. (Project Coach Mike Hart 2030 continues as he prophesized in his playing career.)

If dull and boring football is a 35-7 handling of business on a crisp September afternoon, I can live with dull and boring football.

Tales from The Spreadsheet:

• Win 0991
• 35-7 is NOT a Scorigami (sixth occurrence, most recently was Oregon State 2015)
• 109,482 is the 140th-largest crowd Michigan has played in front of, displacing last week's attendance of 109,480.
  
  
• Michigan moves to 2-0 all-time against UNLV (previous game, 2015).
• Michigan moves to 5-0 all-time on September 9.
  
  
• Michigan moves to 36-0 when scoring exactly 35 points
• Michigan moves to 108-13-4 all-time when allowing precisely 7 points.
• Michigan has won 30 games all-time by precisely 28 points.