Ron Zook "Facts"

As some of you may know, I am, in my spare time, a frequent commenter on Deadspin. Well, today's post about Will's trip to the Michigan/Illinois tilt this weekend had one of my favorite comments ever (following up on the comments on Ron Zook's ski boat:

"Ron Zook doesn't fish. He merely recruits fish into the boat."

This lead Geoff and I into a Chuck Norris Facts style battle about Ron Zook facts:
Geoff: "Ron Zook once sold an icemaker to an emperor penguin."
Craig: "Ron Zook out text messaged Beth Ann from the Cingular commercial. Her BFF Jill was deeply impressed by the Zooker and will be lining up at long snapper for the Illini next season."
Geoff: "Ron Zook isn't allowed in convents...anymore."
Craig: "Ron Zook originated the Jedi Mind Trick."
Geoff: "Ron Zook is the foremost pork wholesaler in Jerusalem."
Craig: "The Pentagon's secret plan for meeting U.S. Army recruiting quotas this year revolved heavily around Ron Zook."
Geoff: ""Ron Zook made $16M last year in consulting fees with Madison Ave. His skill is marketing, but college football? That's his passion.""
Craig: "Some Jehovah's Witnesses came to Ron Zook's door one day. They're now on the Illini Scout Team."

So, to make this interactive, and to give us some actual content, please post your own Ron Zook "Facts" in the comments. The man is a recruiting legend, let the legend be told in song and story.